Damaged

Jack

Fifteen

I woke up and looked around for a clock without finding one. I made a mental note to add clocks to the list of things to buy for the cabin. The list was now made up of First Aid Kit and clocks. If I was going to live here full time I needed to make sure I could bandage myself and tell the time.

I reach over and grab my phone. 4:37pm. I slept away another day but since I no longer had a boyfriend or a home it didn't really matter anymore.

It was weird to not see messages from James. He was my life for years until I decided to make it my mission to make the world a better place for Dan and Meg. I knew it would be a long and lonely road. I spent a lot of time at secret meetings ran by Dan's grandmother's boyfriend. Dan didn't even know I was attending these meetings but it was for a worthy cause.

We had spent months planning a peaceful march. We all know where that went. I'm still not sure who throw the first punch but I do remember being thrown to the ground and repeatedly kicked before being handcuffed and thrown in jail where I was called every name in the book and beaten by the other inmates. The officers did nothing to stop the beatings and it went until they couldn't legally keep me there without charging me and had to let me go.

I could have been out of there sooner had my dads came to release me but when I called them they told me to rot in hell and never to come home before hanging up. The rest of that day was a blur that ended with James dumping me for sleeping with Meg and ending the night in bed with Dan. Life was so weird sometimes.

I flipped through my messages quick to figure out if I could go eat somewhere. Dan was at the hospital again visiting his grandmother. Turns out he told Meg they could be out and open with their relationship. I was sorry I missed that moment but I was happy for them.

Meg had gone to see Jess but was on her way back home now. I shot her a quick text asking her to drive me to my dad's place so I could get my stuff and my money so I could support myself. I knew I would need to find a job soon but I did have some stored away from odd jobs I did for the neighbors. I knew those jobs would be gone now. My neighbors were just like my dads. Not open to straight people or guys like me who associated and supported straight rights.

I knew she wouldn't see it until she got home. She may be a rebel but she isn't a stupid person who texts and drives. I briefly consider texting James to see if he will talk to me but I quickly convince myself not too. He may have been wrong about Meg and me being together but now that Dan is in the open it was only a matter of time. I wanted to say I would be able to give James all of me but that wasn't true.

Sitting here by myself I knew the reason why I started fighting so hard for Dan and Meg. The fact was that I wanted Dan to be happy so much. I was still in love with him and I would always be. James was the consolation prize I allowed myself to accept and while I loved James for so many things it wasn't ever the same. It's like when you see the love of your life getting married and living a great life without you so you find someone like them so that you can have even a small measure of happiness and convince yourself that this is what you always wanted out of life.

I could be selfish and choose James over Dan so that I could have that small sliver of happiness but I don't think I could look myself in the mirror every day. It's just not who I am as a person. I know I can't make both Dan and James happy so I choose Dan. Love makes you do stupid things sometimes. Like break someone else's heart and alienate your family and neighbors even when the one you stand with will only ever look at you as a friend.

It's the choices we make to be able to be proud of ourselves. I can live life knowing that I did what was right. I supported basic human rights and I stood tall even when the world beat me down.

The phone vibrates in my hand snapping me out of my thoughts. Meg says she can pick me up right away and will be at the start of the path in a few minutes. I throw on a t-shirt and get ready to face my dads.

Sixteen

It's a quiet ride over to my old home. I tried to crack a few jokes and got a smile out of Meg but the situation we are both about to face is too stressful to be interrupted with bad jokes. The truth is I have no clue what will happen when I get there for my stuff.

If I am lucky no one will be home and all my belongings will be packed up and sitting on the porch. If I was that lucky I would rush to the closest store to buy a lottery ticket but these days luck was not on my side.

We pull up to what appears to be a block party and I instantly regret brining Meg with me as all eyes turn to the car. Meg starts to open her door and I quickly reach over and slam it shut.

"Don't get out of the car. I will go myself. Just drive away and I will meet you later."

She looks at me with concern as my dads walk up to the car.

"We told you to not come back."

They are staring at Meg as they talk. They won't even look at me. I look around at the neighbors in the backyard. People I have known my whole life sit in the backyard watching but doing nothing. Some look with hatred for me and others just stare with indifference toward me like I never existed. It hurts to know that not one person who I have always been friendly to will step up for me.

"I'm just gonna get my stuff and then I will be gone"

"Is she the bitch you cheated on James with?"

I look back at Meg as it dawns on me that James has been in contact with my dads. They did always like him. The way they looked at Meg like they were going to hurt her drove me crazy and I did the unthinkable. I walked up to one of my dads and punched him.

I'm not a violent person but I did enjoy watching him fall back while everyone around scrambled to catch him before he hit the ground. My other father steps up to me and were face to face as he spits hitting me between the eyes.

"Everything in that house was bought by us so you cannot take anything."

I ignore him and start to make my way to the house. The crowd in the back finally seem to want to interfere and move to block the house.

"Take another step and I will have you arrested. You can rot in jail again."

This stops me in my tracks. I stand there feeling like a coward as I feel a soft hand on my arm. Meg has exited the car and is pulling me back. "Let's just go. It's not worth it"

I don't agree with her but I allow myself to be dragged back to the car as insults are thrown at us from all around. Words that I refuse to repeat but hit hard none the less. I take one last look at my dads and for the first time I feel hate for someone. It's a feeling I never thought I would feel but it's strong and as I feel it start to take over Meg puts her arm on my shoulder and I start to relax as she opens he passenger door for me. She leaves me and makes her way to the driver's side as I get in.

We pull out of the driveway and pull away as I take one look back at my home. I'm officially starting over with nothing but the shirt on my back.

I finally breakdown in tears as everything over the last few days hits me all at once. I tried to be strong for Meg and Dan but I don't want to anymore. Part of me just wants my life to be normal again and for a moment I resent them all.

"Pull over the car"

Meg is stunned and looks at me. "Pull over now" I yell at her.

She does as I ask and sits there in silence. I look at her and for the moment I hate her. I changed my life for her and now I have nothing. I don't have a family. I don't have a boyfriend. And she gets the happy ending with Dan.

"I hate you"

I say it and it sits there unanswered. I know she's shocked but I don't care. I get out of the car and just run into the woods beside the road. I keep on running with no intent to ever stop.