Damaged

Meaghan

Twenty

I laid in bed not ready to sleep. I could hear all the sounds around me as the rest of the world seemed to be sleeping. Everything I thought I wanted had come true and now it all felt wrong as I saw how Dan was shut out by his family.

Where was he to go now? Would he grow to resent me?

I inched myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to get some water. Dan had decided to take the couch to sleep so I tried to quietly get past the living room but the floor always creaked just outside.

"Meaghan?" He knew the sound of my steps. I am afraid to face him but I take a deep breath and walk into the room. He makes room on the couch for me to sit. Looking at his face I can tell he's been crying.

"I'm so sorry Dan."

He silences me with a kiss and pulls me close.

"There's nothing to be sorry for"

"But you lost it all."

He smiles at me. "I have you. That's all I need."

We cuddle on the couch and everything seems so peaceful for the moment. Like it's just us in the world. Nothing else matters and we will survive everything. I wish we could stay like this forever but I know the world won't stop for us.

I look up into Dan's face. He has his eyes closed like he his falling asleep but I know him. He's thinking a mile a minute about what comes next.

"What are you going to do?"

I hear him breathe deep thinking it all through.

"We could run away?"

For a moment I actually consider it until I hear him chuckle.

"I'll go stay with my Grandmother. They will take me in and then we can figure out everything else."

The way he used the word we makes me blush. There will always be we. We will figure it all out. We will survive this.

We will always be together.

Twenty One

I'm not sure what time we fell asleep but it felt wonderful to wake up in Dan's arms. A rush of happiness runs through me as I look up into his sleeping face and I imagine the rest of my life being just like this.

I hear voices coming from the kitchen and the smell of waffles force me to want to leave this bubble that I am in. As I slowly get sit up to try to not wake Dan so many doubts over take me.

All the same doubts I had the previous night. The future scares me. I want to be strong for everyone but everything that happened yesterday feels like it might break Dan and I'm not sure how to hold him together.

Maybe I should have more faith in him. Maybe I should believe that he will be ok without his family. I'm just not sure.

I creep into the kitchen where my moms are sitting around the table drinking coffee Jack is cooking. The scene makes me smile as I imagine this being my life now living with the three of us and my moms.

"Good Morning Sleepy", Jack whispers as the floor creaks below my feet. I smile back as he hands me a plate topped with waffles and fruit.

Jack continues as I sit at the table "I thought I'd make Dan's favorite breakfast after yesterday."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Should be wake him?"

"Let him sleep. After that shit show yesterday with his family he deserves some peace."

"Have you talked to James?" There's an awkwardness in the air after I ask the question. I see James cringe at the thought of his ex-boyfriend. He sits across from me with his waffles before answering.

"He texted me blaming me for lying to him and saying I made me look like a fool. I haven't replied and I won't. I'm done with him after how he treated Dan yesterday."

A tear escapes his eyes and I feel guilty again. We keep ruining Jack's life. He lost his boyfriend and his family because of us. I feel panic starting to stretch over me as Jack puts his arms around me. He's lost everything and Dan has lost everything. Why am I the one breaking down and needing to be comforted?

I wanted this. I wanted Dan to be open about us. I was greedy and a horrible person. I do not deserve to be comforted and I do not deserve Dan and Jack in my life.

I'm a coward who should stop crying and be strong for everyone else. Instead I just let him hold me as I continue to cry.