Dear World, this is the story of how everything started and ended. This is the story of how I tried to live but, failed. This is the short version of the story that narrates my suicide. I waited eight days before I did it. There are eight reasons wh...
Yesterday was amazing. Ace and I talked all throughout the day. He walked me to four of my classes, his arm wrapped protectively around the middle of my back. He extended the invitation for me to sit with him during lunch in the cafeteria. However, I nicely declined, much to his displeasure. I could see the temptation to question my decision clear in his eyes but, he let it go and let me sit alone at my usual table.
My lunch table is the closest table to one of the emergency exits that litter the cafeteria. From the table, I can see the athletic fields and the student parking lot. I've come to relate to the asphalt pavement; it's constant. It doesn't change despite the fact that it is surrounded by everchanging factors. The asphalt has small breaks that lead to the school. In the winter, I stare at the parking lot, watching as the asphalt struggles to survive.
As I was sitting there staring out at the asphalt, I can feel Ace's watchful stare from his table in the cafeteria. I look over at him only to see him motioning for me to come over and join him and his friends. I softly shook my head, hoping that his friends didn't notice Ace's displays of friendliness. Sadly, my prayers weren't answered as his friends turned around to see who their friend was signaling to. At this point, I was hoping that the rest of our school's population didn't see Ace and his friends. Once again, luck was not on my side. One by one, people began to pay attention, alerting their friends that what was going on, until finally, everyone was watching what was going on.
Apparently, Ace and his friends must have gotten tired of trying to acquire my presence. They stopped what they were doing and went back to what they were previously doing. I went back to staring out of the windows when I heard the scraping of chairs around me. I looked up and saw Ace and his friends had walked over to my table. Ace pulled my chair closer to his as everyone watched what was going on. His friends were all sporting knowing grins. It was a little freaky.
"Do your friends always smile and stare like that? I'm not going to lie, they're creeping me out," Ace laughed at what I said to him.
"Don't worry about tweedle dumb and tweedle dee. They aren't used to socializing with people other than myself. Consider them to be excited," when I looked back to check on his friends, they were now recording Ace and me on their phones.
After lunch, Ace walked me to my biology class, which ended with me receiving a kiss on the forehead by Ace. I came home yesterday with my spirits higher than they have been in a while. I woke up this morning with a little extra pep in my step, got to school early, and walked into my first hour, sitting in my normal seat. I watched as my classmates came into first hour, talking and laughing about useless things. I think I heard someone gossiping about this girl that has Chlamydia; it was probably a lie. A soft droplet of sweat came down my face when Ace walked into the room.
Ace's dark brown hair was nicely swooped to one side, his mint green eyes had a sparkle of mischief in them, his skin had a sun-kissed tan, and his frame stood at 6 feet tall. His muscles looked amazing in his black t-shirt (he wasn't even flexing), he had on black basketball shorts and black Nikes. In total, he looks amazing, as usual.
Continuing the story, Ace walked into first hour, his eyes scanned the room and stopped when they came into contact with mine. I can't really tell you what I expected to happen when I came to school today; I guess the rational part of me thought that he would lose his recollection of the day before. He didn't. Instead, he walked up to the boy that sat next to me and glared at him.
"You're in my seat," he said to the boy. The boy was about to utter something then shut his mouth when he saw the look of anger on Ace's face. The boy got up and moved away, leaving Ace to sit down next to me. We sat there, neither one of us knowing what to say about what just happened.
"Why did you move your seat?" I looked up at him. I didn't really have a good answer as I stared into his piercing eyes. I was about to answer when Ms. Forest strolled into class and began the new unit.
"This new unit is about the mistakes that humans make. Can a mistake cause negative or positive impacts on individuals and society?" I sat there pondering over my own experiences with mistakes. I decide to take the stance that mistakes cause negative impacts. I begin to lose myself in my writing, forgetting about the class full of students that surround me.
Two years ago, my grandmother died from natural causes. I felt like my world had begun to crumble and that was the contributing factor that I needed to convince myself that suicide was an option. I remember when I used to ride with her in the car and I refused to sit in the front with her, claiming that it was weird and lame. She would always tell me that I would miss her when she was gone and she was right; I did miss her. She used to complain to me that my uncle wasn't ordering her the medicine she needed for her heart. I asked her if she wanted me to tell my mother and she told me that there was no need to, that my uncle would buy her the medication. This went one for two years before her death. My uncle never bought her the medication that she needed and she died from heart complications. It was my fault. I should've told my mother then she could've still been alive. I killed her. I killed the person who made me feel amazing, I killed the only person that I have ever connected with. I can never undo what I have done. I deserve what I am about to do to myself.
I was still writing, a few tears had filled their way down my face when the second hour bell rang. Ace was still sitting next to me, his fingers cupping my chin, making me look at him in the eye. He slowly leaned down, allowing me to absorb his actions, kissing my tear trails.
"S-S-Stop," the stutter was clear in my voice. I was scared to get close to anyone else. I only hurt the people that are in a close proximity to me. But, Ace didn't move an inch. Instead, he pulled me into his lap, making me feel safe.
"Don't push me away," he let me cry. He was giving me the attention that I so desperately wanted. I could feel the weight of the walls that I had built breaking. I felt like I wasn't alone, I felt something other than nothing, I felt relief. But, it didn't last long. I had planned that I wasn't going to kill myself but, that was all ruined on the seventh day.
This is reason #5. My grandmother, my guilt.
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Hai, this story is almost over. I just wanted to tell everyone that you are beautiful human beings whom are worth life.
