Endlessly ➳ T. Holland (ORIGINAL VER.)

Sixty-Five; Real Life

"I think I'm in love with you."

          Brooks froze, hand tightening around the Halloween-themed plastic cup that Lucie had thrust into her hand upon her and Tom's arrival. Said boy was currently standing before her on the balcony of Lucie's apartment, leaning casually against the railing, though Brooks could tell he was feeling nervous. His hands were clenched tight around the metal of the railing, his foot tapping a quick, incessant beat against the concrete floor beneath it.

       She took a moment to process the words, but even then, she couldn't make sense of any of it. The words were all jumbled together in her head, a mess of what Tom must have meant by those words, because there was no way he meant exactly what he'd said, right? In those brief, silent moments as they stood on the balcony, interrupted only by the muffled sounds of the party raging on inside, Brooks could do nothing but stare at the boy standing before her, hand clenched uncharacteristically tight around her drink.

        "What was that?" She squeaked, voice a few octaves higher than normal, and forced herself to blink.

        Tom sighed, reached a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck— another nervous tick of his, a habit that reared its head when he was both shy and nervous.  Even so, his eyes were unbearably hopeful as he gazed at her underneath the blinking Halloween lights strung upon the window. "I said— I said I think I'm in love with you. I definitely like you more than I should, but— but it's gone a bit beyond love now."

        Inside, Mason screamed at something, and Brooks wanted nothing more than to be inside with her friends, but instead she'd followed Tom out onto the balcony when he expressed a need for fresh air without question. Her gaze lingered on his empty hands, still curled around the railing, and knew that she couldn't fool herself into believing that this was a drunken confession, a meaningless spur of the moment announcement that would mean absolutely fuck all in the morning.

       "I'm— I don't feel the same way," she told him, voice quiet now. "Tom, we're friends— best friends. I can't— I can't offer anything else."

         Tom's eyes fell to the floor. "Oh," was all he said, his shoulders falling. "Okay then."

         "Tom, I'm sorry." She didn't know why she was apologising, but it was all that she could bring herself to say. She wanted to reach out to him, to hug him, but she doubted that was what he needed right now.

           He was looking at her again, tears welling in his eyes— and oh God, Brooks did that. Brooks was the reason behind the heartbroken expression on her best friend's face. Brooks was the reason for his heartbreak. She no longer felt the need to return to the part inside, but rather she wanted nothing more than to head home and hide beneath her covers— but then she remembered that Tom was staying with her while he was still in the country, and then she wanted nothing more than to sneak herself into one of her friends' house and make a nest for herself there until the pain subsided from her chest. Until the pain subsided from Tom's.

         "It's okay," he said, sounding very much not okay. "You have no reason to apologise. We're friends, and that's more than I could ask for. Brooks, you're still my best friend, and these feelings will fade, okay? They'll fade." His voice was shaking, like he was about to cry— and Brooks... she hated being the reason behind this, hated being the one to break the heart of Tom Holland's, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't love him back.

         They returned to the party half an hour later, blending easily into the crowd; Tom headed to Harrison and Lucie, while Brooks gravitated towards the rest of her friends. And as both of them strayed away from each other, they couldn't help but feel pathetically unwhole.