My Kind of Love

Chapter 15: Daydreaming

"When I was younger, my father would lash out on me when my mother or my big brother, Kevin wasn't around. He'd say all these really awful things and then he'd be my sweet dad. It was confusing and scary as hell." I tell him, walking over to his bed.

"Did he...did he ever put his hands on you?" Alexander asks hesitantly and I shake my head.

"My mother and brother wouldn't allow it...he had them to grab and push around. He'd never hit them just grab and push. Me he liked to verbally abuse. I was his verbal punching bag."I answer and he sits beside me.

"I'm sorry you went through that," he says softly and I nod.

"I always wondered why my mother never divorced him...she says because we are the only family he has. It's crazy to think he divorcing her now. He put us through hell. And I know it wasn't all his fault but still,"I run on. I wasn't making any sense now. I lost track of all my emotions.

"But that's not, it's not why I came to see you." I mumble, looking up at Alexander whose already looking at me.

"Then why are you here?" he asks.

"I don't friendzone you," I blurt and he looks away from me.

"Amelia," he starts.

"I don't friendzone you. You are my friend, Alexander. And I treat you as I feel fit. I act around you however I feel comfortable and if I led you on somewhere down the road...I am so, so sorry." I rush out and he stares at me shocked.

"That's bull," he says and I stand up.

"How?" I question frustrated.

"Because friends don't behave like we do." he says and I sigh.

"We've established that, Alexander." I say and he glares at me.

"Don't try to act like a bitch, Amelia."he says bluntly and this time I'm the one shocked.

"I'm not acting like anything." I growl at him and he gives me a look that tells me he's not buying it.

"Yes, you are. It's your natural response whenever something terrifying happens to you. You get defensive and cold as if you're preparing to fight some attacker. I saw you do it at the club when Robert showed up." he says and it takes me off guard.

"What?" is the weak comeback I manage to get out.

"It's definitely not the first time you've done it. I doubt growing up with a man who suffered from PTSD was anything short of hell. The first Love of our lives is the Love we share and have for our parents, our siblings, our family. From there on we learn all about what it is we want and don't want, like and dislike, fear and delight in in Love. For you growing up with a man who verbally abused you has taken it's toll on your view of Love." Alexander says and I glare at him.

"Don't do that," I mutter.

"Do what, Lia? Tell you the truth?" he asks and I roll my eyes, turning my back on him.

"Psychoanalyze me and my 'daddy issues'. Use my history with my father and Robert as some reason as to why I can't be with you." I tell him and he stays silent.

"But it does play a factor in this, Lia. I'm not trying to take you to therapy or make up excuses, it's just what I believe. You are scared of giving me the chance to show you that Love is not pain. I am not your father or Robert or any other man who has failed you." he says and I run my hands through my hair, tired by this conversation.

"Amelia,"Alexander says after a few minutes of silence. I turn around to see him standing a few inches away from me.

"I'm not asking for your hand in marriage...or even for a relationship. All I want is for you to admit that this, what we have and whatever it may be, is more than a friendship. I don't fight this hard for friendships, I've never gone through this in one." he says softly and I sigh. It was the least I could do but I still found myself hesitating.