Fallen

Chapter 13

We woke when we arrived at the hotel. I raised my head and looked at Joshua in the mirror, shaking my head to clear the sleep from my mind. Blinking wearily, I looked at him, "Sorry about that. I must have been more tired than I thought..."

Marsha turned back in her seat, "It's okay, Karly bonked out too. You've both had a busy couple of days!"

I yawned and tried to stretch, Karly fussed next to me. She always woke grumpy. She was like a little badger when she woke...

Keep down the racket!" She called. "Trying to get my beauty sleep here..." she added in a mumble.

I leaned over her and shook her, "Wakey, wakey, you're already beautiful... you don't need to get any more sleep..."

She flailed at me, "Shut it! Still sleeping!"

I cuddled her, wrapping my arms around her and nibbling on her neck. "No more sleep for you! Get up and join the world.

She sat up and squinted her eyes at me... "You're on my list now... I will remember this day..."

I smiled at her, then looked at her mom, "Should I be concerned?"

Marsha shook her head at me, "I've been on her list for years... nothing ever seems to happen. I wouldn't be too concerned about it."

Karly tucked her head back into my chest. "I'm playing the long game... I haven't forgotten how many times you've woken me up... I just choose to exact my revenge on you when I put you in a substandard nursing home... you know. One of those ones they showcase on Dateline..."

Ouch...

Marsha just laughed...

Karly and I hung back while Marsha and Joshua got us checked into the hotel. Karly had woken up and was her usual cute self. I simply sat by and watched everything pass me by. I stood a little too close to Karly, taking comfort from her as she watched the hustle and bustle of the casino around us. I focused mostly on her scent, taking comfort from that.

Karly pushed herself against me and leaned in and nibble on my neck... "You know... I was talking to my mom... they're getting a nicer room than ours... theirs is on a whole different floor..."

I pulled back from her, giving her a 'what the fuck' look. I finally settled for raising an eyebrow at her. "Why do I feel like I should be worried this is a trap?"

She nuzzled me, rubbing her nose on my chin, "It isn't. She wants us to have privacy... I think they're both trying to avoid making things awkward..."

I kissed her forehead. "Still feels like they're going out of their way to ensure I have way too much private time with their daughter."

She kissed my lips, "I think they know I'm head over heels for you..."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close. "I'm head over heels for you too baby girl..."

Marsha came up and cleared her throat. Karly bounced over to her and collected two room keys.
Marsha smiled at me. Apparently, she was happy just to see her daughter happy... I was really starting to like both Marsha and Joshua. They were good people.

"How about you two get settled in, and we'll all meet for a late dinner, say about 7:30?"

I glanced at my phone and saw that gave us about 90 minutes... not bad. Looking at Karly she bounced with excitement... "That sounds great!" she bubbled.

We got up to the room and I opened the door with the little security card I had. I threw my bag into the room and swung Karly's bag in...

She looked at me questioningly, "What are we doing?"

I smiled at her... "I figured you hadn't had a cigarette all day... figured maybe we'd like to sneak off and find a place for you to have one..."

She smiled and kissed me, "You take such good care of me..."

We ended up in a stairwell. Me seated on a step and her with her cigarette. I smiled at her...

"What?" she asked me.

I looked at her with naked love in my eyes... "You know I'm going to make you quit that one day, right?"

She bit her lip, "I thought you think it's sexy?"

I looked into her eyes, "I do. But I think having you all to myself forever is sexier..."

She licked her lips and moved closer to me... "I'll tell you what. When you agree to put a baby in me... I'll quit."

I stood and kissed her passionately, "That's a deal I can live with..."

She melted against me, dropping her cigarette and stepping on it. "Can we go back to the room and practice?"

My hands found their way up and into her hair, pulling her face into mine, my nose screamed a little in pain as I kissed her, but I enjoyed the taste and feeling of her too much to care...

"I would love to little one."

We rushed back to the room together, hand in hand. She fumbled with the keycard while I pressed myself to her back, kissing her neck and rubbing my hands up and down the front of her...

The little light on the door turned red for the third time before she finally hissed at me... "Would you fucking stop that... I can't focus on the door!"

My mouth moved up and I whispered into her ear sultrily, "Maybe I don't want you to open the door, maybe I want to take you right here in the hallway..."

She pushed her ass into me, grinding herself into me while she growled in frustration. Considering she was wearing a sun dress and her bottom was pretty free of fabric to get in my way it made for an... interesting sensation...

Finally, she got the door to open and she frantically shoved the door open.

I stayed behind her, wrapping my arms around her tight and walking her into the room. My mouth explored her neck, and her ears, her shoulders. Kissing, and licking, and dropping little love bites on all that exposed flesh. She lifted her arm and wrapped it around my head...

Her breaths came in ragged moans...

My left hand came up and rubbed her breast through the fabric of her dress and she moaned and pressed her ass into me harder...

She was panting with lust for me.

Her voice a husky whisper... "Will you take me from behind?"

I would have taken her anyway she wanted me to in that moment...

"Of course, baby girl..." I growled into her ear.

My hands found their way under her dress and shoved her panties down, letting them drop to the floor as she stepped out of them. I pushed her forward and she climbed on the bed on all fours...

I frantically undid my belt, and pulled my pants down while she looked over her shoulder at me... "Please hurry... I need you now..." she panted. I could see my need reflected in her eyes...

I mounted her from behind, feeling the rush of her body as I pressed myself into her... I wanted to go slow, but she felt so good...

Grabbing her body, just above her hips, my hands were large enough, and she was small enough I could feel the junction between her hips and her ribs... the muscles there surged beneath my hands as I drove myself into her from behind. I grunted like an animal and she moaned in ecstasy as I took her...

The feeling was exquisite... but something was wrong. I could feel something in my mind starting to shift... something filled my mind like the sound of broken glass...

I felt like I was taking her... like I was stealing from her, not sharing a moment with her...

My left arm wrapped itself around her body and I pulled her hands from the bed, forcing her up so I could press my body against hers as I made love to her...

I held her body against me as I moved into and out of her. The angle was awkward, but felt so good with her body pressed against me.

Her hand moved up, tangling in her hair, lifting it for me, "Kiss my neck for me?" she begged.

My eyes closed and my lips found her neck, kissing her and nibbling on her ear. She moaned louder and ground her hips into me harder...

My panic increased as her passion swelled. I tried to focus on the scent of her hair but I kept losing my focus as the pleasure she gave to me where we were joined increased and swelled...

Suddenly on the verge of panic I begged her, "Can I roll you over? I need to see you..."

She nodded and while she pressed against me for a few more strokes she turned and spread her legs for me...

I fell on her and pushed myself back into her... every part of me was on fire with desire for her... every part except my mind. Panic was swelling there... I was losing control!

I buried myself in her while I buried my face into the hollow of her neck... I needed to get in control...

My mind flooded with images of being alone... being so alone... being alone and so scared...

A memory of walking home... of looking up from the ground... and seeing my dad's truck in the driveway... of the terror of seeing that he was home. Faced with the choice of yet again being alone or being faced with the terror of being with him I would choose alone...

I came back to myself enough to realize that I was still joined to her intimately... the feeling made me sick. To contaminate our love with what I was feeling was... wrong. A violation of everything we were...

My breaths came in ragged gasps... she thought it was my desire for her... but in truth, it was me trying to keep from screaming in panic.

I could take it no longer. I rolled from her and faced the wall... hastily pulling my pants up and trying not to sob... I curled nearly instantly into the fetal position...

She was taken completely by surprise... "What's wrong...?"

I heard her ask me, but my brain was gone. It had decided to check out... to take a small vacation into the darkness of my soul...

I felt her hands on me... "What's wrong...? What did I do...?" the only thing that kept my heart from breaking... she loved me. I realized on some level that she should be offended. That she should be hurt... instead, she was all over me... worried only about what was going on in my mind...

I started rocking... somehow the movement made the pain in my mind recess... "Not you, baby girl... not you I swear..."

Tears smashed out of my eyes and I started to sob, feeling years of pain that had been repressed and pushed down surge up and into me... "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." I sobbed at her. Begging her to forgive me, feeling like dirt for having betrayed her in such an intimate way...

Her body pressed to my back, her arms wrapped around me protectively. "It's okay. It's okay... I'm here baby. I love you."

I pressed my hands to my face... trying so hard to not let her see me like this... my body curled in on itself as I tried to hide from the pain...

Please god... please god let me die... I can't take it... I can't... I'm not strong enough... it's tearing me apart!

Her voice was in my ear... "You can't die... I need you..."

OhfuckOhfuckOhfuck! NoNoNoNoNo! I can't let her hear this!

My feet kicked against each other as tried to force the pain back down... I tried to put it back into the box I had made for it. It swallowed me. I was pulled into the darkest, deepest depths of my mind... the spot where all the horror lies. The part that held the monsters...

A woman begged for her life...

A dog whined in the dark and cold... begging for its master...

A child cried, wondering why the world was so cruel...

I tried to breach the surface... to gain just one breath of fresh air and found myself pulled back into the depths...

It was her. She pulled me out...

She was wrapped completely around me... "Come back to me... I'm here... come back to me. Smell me... just smell me... you can do it..."

My lungs finally filled with air...

The pain receded... god. The pain. How is it so big...? How much of it is in me...?

She lifted me and placed me in her lap... "Baby, I've got you. You're here with me... you're safe... I've got you..."

I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed harder... "No. no. Don't love me... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I can't. I can't be strong enough... I'll ruin you... I'll make you hate me. You'll look at me and you'll feel sick... like everyone else..."

My legs kicked involuntarily... "I can't lose you... you've lifted me too high..." I clung to her like a panicking child... "Losing you will destroy me... You'll leave and I'll be alone... forever alone in the darkness..."

I shoved my left index finger into my mouth and bit the knuckle hard... the physical pain driving back the emotional pain...

She grabbed my wrist. "Stop that!" she screamed. "Oh, god... please baby stop. I'm here. I'm right here..."

I could feel her tears falling on my head. "Please baby... don't hurt yourself. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere... I have you..."

I tried to make my jaws unlock... I really did...

Her kisses started falling on my face... "You're mine. I'm yours..." She whispered. "We have each other. I have you and you have me and I'm never leaving. Please stop!" she finally screamed.

Her wail was like the cry of the banshee... the pain, the horror of what I was doing to myself. Her panic. Those things all brought me back to myself. They gave me strength. My walls snapped back up, pushing the pain back down into the well of my mind.

"Please stop..." she sobbed...

I crawled up her body and wrapped myself around her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm here... I'm right here baby girl. I'm back..." I cooed as I rocked her body... "I've got you..."

Her face crumpled... the pain in it was so complete... so heartbreaking... so devastating... how had I done this to her?

Her hands snapped to the sides of my head... "Is that you? Did you come back to me?"

I nodded my head, bobbing it like an idiot, "It's me baby girl... I'm so sorry..."

She kissed me fiercely... finally breaking it and grabbing me with all of her strength...

"I was so scared. I thought you were gone..." She sobbed. "I've never been so scared... How do you do it? How do you live with that? I watched you die... I watched the pain kill you..."

I clung to her like a lifeboat... "You make me strong..." I whispered. "You make me want to be better, to turn away from that darkness, to make me want to come out of the cave and see the light again..."

I continued, "I love you... I love you so much. I'm sorry I hurt you..."

She clung to me as tightly as I clung to her. "I love you so much... I thought you were gone..."

"I'm sorry. I'm back. I'm right here..."