BTS Family - Family matters, NamJin

19.

Namjoon POV:

Jin leaned on his perfectly clean and sparkly kitchen counter, his eyes scanning me intently.

I was intimidated, yes, but more than that, I was excited. The stuff we would be talking about wasn't funny at all. It could ruin everything. Every little effort I made to bewitch him, to stay with me, to try out a totally messy and chaotic relationship with an idiot like me.

It could break everything apart, and yet... Yet I was so happy to sit in his kitchen and be able to watch him like this, the knowledge that his beautiful eyes were laid on me, that he only focused on me and I was the only thing he was seeing at this moment let my heartbeat quicken.

It pulsed harshly against my ribcage, wanting to escape his eternal prison and throw itself into Jin's arms. Never turning back, forever and eternity belonging to him.

I wanted to let it. I truly wanted to. But I also wanted to live and spend the rest of my times with him and our beautiful kids.

With thoughts like this, there was no way I was prepared, what his pretty mouth and so damn kissable lips were about to say.

In fact, he shattered a tiny piece of me. Letting my world waver for a mere second.

He inhaled deeply.

And then spatted out:

"Namjoon, let's end this relationship"

Dumbfounded, I stared into his eyes, not able to process, what was going on, and what his beautiful and enchanting voice declared.

I couldn't.

And suddenly, the dumb, numb plainness in my head got swapped with a wave of understanding. I suddenly could process his words, and still, I couldn't.

Did he just say, he wanted to break up?

To break this off?

Even though we didn't even really start yet?

I refuse.

I refuse to do it. I would latch on him till the bitter end. He couldn't be so cruel right? I finally found my forever-human, my once in a lifetime chance of happiness, at least I thought so. I never felt with anybody this connected, this secure and accepted.

No, I wouldn't let him break all my efforts and let them vanish into nothingness.

We were facing a dark storm, hate, disguised at tiny, cold and piercing raindrops knocked harshly on our window, wanting us to let them in. Wanting us, to believe them, to destroy us, to soak us in self-hatred and pity.

The wind was howling outside, wanting to sweep us off our feet, to swirl us around until we were brainwashed and couldn't think straight anymore.

Yes, it was a storm. A dark and harsh one. Maybe the harshest we would ever face in our entire lives, but Jin's words, his suggestion, his so-called solution to this matter, was adding thunder and lightning to this mess.

Like it wasn't enough that my being shook with wind and rain, but I had to endure also the searing and blinding pain of a lightning that stroked me and the loud, thundering noise of a thunder as I heard everything I stood for and wanted to believe, everything I built up in this small time that I knew Jin, crashing down.

I refused this. Simply refusing it.

"No," I said, sternly and cold, with a voice that let no place for discussions.