BTS Family - Family matters, NamJin

31.

Jin's pov:

"Eomma? No! don't hang up! Just listen, you don't have to say anything!" I pleaded into the speaker of my phone, while I was nervously fiddling with the hem of my oversized pullover, staring into the mirror, leaning slightly on the sink.

I had to tell her and I wanted her to understand my situation. I wanted her to accept me as who I am and I wanted her to accept Joonie. Was it so wrong, to yearn for happiness and wanting it to share with your own mother?

She sighed deeply, not muttering a single word, but I regarded it as a sign to continue. So I inhaled deeply and decided to get over with it, as long as my kids were still sleeping.

"Eomma, you know that all of this went viral and now out of hand. And you probably want me to break up with Namjoon, but believe me, I can't. I thought about it a lot, and he makes me really happy. I can picture a future with him, everything I wanted. I won't break up with him, I am falling in love with this man and I truly think I deserve this. I don't care about the gender. He is still human, and if you only would give him a chance, I am sure you would love him! He is clumsy, yes, but also really nice and such a good Appa. He is funny and very talented and smart and sweet" I exhaled deeply, realizing that I held my breath, just in order to ramble.

"Anyways Eomma, since everything went crazy and we are in constant danger, reporters are camping in front of our houses, we get death threats every day and today I even received a dead rat with my mails, we decided to move to America. I only wanted to let you know that, if you decide sometime soon, that you want to talk to me or meet Namjoon or maybe even want to apologize." I stared at my reflection. My eyes seemed dull and clouded, while I talked to my Mom.

I wanted to hear her voice. Her approval, saying that everything would be okay and that we did well with holding up.

I wanted her to soothe me and tell me, that she would love me, no matter what. That she only wished for my happiness and a beautiful future.

Maybe I wanted her to curse the damn haters too, but that was the last thing on my list. I really just wanted to get comforted by my mom.

Just like the time after my wife died, and I cried hours in her embrace.

But she didn't say anything.

"Eomma? You still there? I guess I just called you to say that I will move out of the country with the boys. I will send you the address too. Just to make sure. I love you Eomma."

I sighed deeply and disappointment settled in my gut.

I was about to press the red button with a trembling finger and end the call, in order to sink back into my own misery, as my mom spoke up. Causing my heart to jump in happiness.

"Seokjin. You are really leaving your family, your life behind for this man?" she asked calmly and coldly.

I gulped. "Yes, I do, because even if we break up now, we wouldn't face a better situation. We would still be called gay, plus I have to suffer from heartbreak and mocking because we didn't last long. It would be worse than leaving and giving this whole relationship a chance."

"I see," she said, more like stated, and I could imagine her expressionless face, while she held the phone tightly, her knuckles turning white.

"Then bring the boys over" she ordered.

"We are leaving the day after tomorrow, I'll make sure that you will see them tomorrow to say goodbye." I smiled. At least she still loved the kids. At least, she still held contact with my boys.

"No, not for a playdate. They will stay with me, what else. There is no way, I will let them leave with you and your new lover" she spat out and caused tears to gather in my eyes.