A week after NYE
PIBI
What could be worse than having a secret relationship???
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Yes. Having a secret relationship with your professor! Good Lord. I never thought it would be this hard. Pakiramdam ko bawat kilos ko may nakamasid. Nakakaparanoid talaga, at parang gusto ko na lang palagi magtago.
Like now, nandito kami ni Nathan sa Gate 5. Dun sa farthest gate ng school na wala na masyadong dumadaan kasi nga malayo. Dito na lang kami nagkita para medyo safe. Tumakbo ako kagad sa kotse nya kahit hindi pa sya nakakafully stopped.
"Open the fucking door Nathan." I said trying to open the locked door of his car.
"Pat come on. No one's watching." He lazily unlocked the door.
"You can never be sure." I dropped my bag and other stuff on the backseat.
He went silent. But not the typical silent mode he does when he has nothing to talk about. This is different, sa tagal ko ng kilala si Nathan alam kong may two types of silence sya. Una tumatahimik sya kapag wala syang gustong sabihin or masabi, dito, relax yung muscles sa face nya, pati mata. Pangalawa naman, yung tahimik sya kasi may gusto sya sabihin pero hindi nya masabi. The muscles on his face are rigid, amd his eyes are twitching.
I let it pass, baka sabihin nya naman ang nosy ko. Bago pa lang kami ulit and I'm still testing the waters.
Pero nung nasa drive thru na kami at nakakastress na yung katahimikan, hindi na ako nakatiis.
"Nate, if you wanna say something-"
"I do-" He sighed and slowly massaged his temples. "'I do wanna say something."
Hinintay ko na lang ulit magsalita sya.
"Aren't you getting tired of this secrecy Patricia? We're both adult, for crissakes. Ano pa bang kinakatakot natin?" He sounded really upset.
Well as for me I have reasons kung bakit kelangan manatiling sikreto muna to.
1. I made an oath to my friends (I was drunk though) that I will never go back to Nathan even in my next life.
2. He's my professor at natatakot akong malaman ng mga taga admin. Hindi ko na afford madelay na naman ang paggraduate ko.
3. I'm not sure about this one, but there's this part of me and I don't know how dominant that part might be, that still doubts this relationship would work.
So pano??
"Nathan, ayoko lang naman mabigla yung mga tao sa paligid natin eh. Tsaka aware ka naman sa pinagdadaanan ni Sean at Rox diba? Wag na muna tayo dumagdag." I gently put my hand over his right arm.
He sighed again. "Fine. Pero hindi ka ba naiinis man lang? I mean, hindi tayo pwede magsama sa school, hindi rin pwede sa labas baka may makakita, Lalo naman sa bahay kasi andun si Chino at Andeng."
You heard it right, Andrea spends most of her time in our house now. May secret project daw sila ni Chino. And half of Chino's cabinet eh mga damit na ni Andeng. Sometimes I doubt na platonic lang talaga ang relationship ng dalawang yon eh.
"I know what you feel. Pero hindi naman habangbuhay ganito Nathan eh. Just wait till I graduate and find my own place, okay?"
At buti na lang dumating na yung order namin. We drove home.
Pagdating sa bahay naabutan naming si Chino na nag aayos ng mga lenses nya.
"Galing kayong school?" Chino without looking at us
