Something Used

Telling Caroline

His arms wrapped around my body and he hugged me close to his chest. It felt so right but so wrong. I liked having his lips on mine. I could pursue it if only he were a normal fucking person. I could feel his hand travel down my body hungrily. He was trying to find the hem of any fabric that remained on my body. As soon as he hooked his thumbs into my pants, I pushed him off of me roughly. He stumbled back a bit as his chest heaved up and down. I gave him a glare and fell back down on my bed. Shit that literally took my breath away.

He wiped away at his mouth and laughed, "You're a piece of work Elena."

I didn't respond. I hope he knows I did it to save myself.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him, "why are you doing this to /me/? You're bipolar as hell. I'm trying to get some sleep now so... goodnight." Hopefully he will get the message that he needs to leave. Or vanish or whatever the fuck he does.

"I don't like it when you're all tough."

"Sucks. Go."

He walked over to me and ran his hand up my thigh. "Let me stay, I'll make it worth your while."

I sat up and slapped his hand away. "I'm never ever doing that with you again"

"You're lying."

"Serious Damon. This is all so fucked up." I turned away from him and hugged my pillow close to my head.

He pulled away his hand right then and frowned. "you"ll change your mind. Immortal, mortal, tomato, tomata, we're one and the same." With that, he finally decided to show himself out. Through my window though, of course.

This guy has made me question myself more than I ever have.

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I would spend the whole day making amends. I was set upon making things right with Caroline and Xavier. I need Caroline's forgiveness and Xavier doesn't necessarily need to forgive me, but I wanted him to know I was sorry. It was important to me. I waited by Caroline's locker the second I walked into school and even came early so there wouldn't be any chance of me missing her. She finally showed.

"Hey." She mumbled and began putting in her combination.

"Hi.." I managed to smile and leaned towards her. "Caroline I am so sorry."

"Elena..."

"No I am. I really am. I didn't mean to leave you so worried."

"Well I was," she said defensively, "you were drunk in a crowd. I didn't know if you walked out on the street or got hit on by some creepo. To make it worse, you didn't answer my calls. I thought the worst."

"I know. I actually get that. I was drunk and my mind didn't even dwell on the fact that it was important to call you. I was with this guy.."

"What guy Elena? What guy?" I could tell that if I didn't tell her, she would give up. If I didn't tell her the truth, she wouldn't trust any of what I had just said to her. It would just be words out of my mouth. Besides, who was I protecting? A psychopath that prayed on girls and fed on their living corpse? The fact that I kept it a secret this long baffled me. Finding out the truth was just as disappointing as not knowing it at all.

"His name is Damon." I sputtered. Maybe what I needed this entire time was just to talk to someone. The only person I ever talked to was the person I had a problem with. He was the problem and I was sick and tired of holding it in. My mind was polluted with all things him and it was taking a toll on me. "He's this guy that I forgot how I met and he's very self-contained and it was before I even met Xavier. He expects me to be there for him every time he needs me but only physically and not emotionally. Every time I try to get through to him, he shuts down and gets angry with me. I mean I get angry too, but I just get so angry at not knowing him at all and him knowing everything about me. He was mad when I was with Xavier and he is mad when I can't get to him when needed." She didn't even ask for me to tell her all of this, but once his name was said everything flew out of my mouth. I was leaving out the biggest part but I know what her reaction would be if I told her what he was doing to me. "I was thinking about him at the bar.." tears unwillingly began to well up in my eyes and my throat choked, begging me to cry. "I left to go see him because I thought he would need me just for me and not him but it is literally always about him. I am just a person that is there you know?" I could feel a hot tear roll down my cheek. "I don't matter to him but I try so hard to try and understand him. I'm duped every time. I'm exhausted from playing games and I don't know what to do because I keep losing the people I care about. He just doesn't care. He doesn't..." The tears come willingly but I quickly wipe them away. "Oh god I'm making a scene."