Always You {Steve Rogers}

fourteen

Aliza's PoV

I had been dodging Tony's calls for the past week. Not because I didn't want to talk to him, but because I really did and I knew that he would try and convince me to come back. And I hated myself for knowing that it wouldn't take long before I would inevitably agree.

I had spent the past week mainly in my bed resenting the decision I made in a fit of anger but is ultimately too late to back out of. Ever since I said the words, my mum and Maya had gone in to wedding planning overdrive. I didn't think they would have gone to such an effort but I was completely wrong. They had put in so much effort that I hadn't had a chance to decide a single thing but I actually preferred it that way. I most likely would have thrown up at the sight of jewellery and wedding clothes. All I knew is that it's soon, and that did nothing to soothe my aching heart.

So while everyone else was in a panic around the house trying to get everything sorted, I was sitting on my window seat with my knees against my chest and my eyes staring out the window at the street below. It was always empty which was a complete contrast to the bustling streets of New York I had become so used to. As much as I willed myself not to, I couldn't get it out of my head and I couldn't get the people out either. Most days I'd sit here in silence but some days I got my old sketchbook out. Along with singing, drawing had always helped me with my anxiety but I hadn't picked up a pencil in who know how long which is why I was shocked with how detailed my first piece came out. It was a drawing of Tony's tower and even though I had hardly even glimpsed at it when walking in to the party, I had somehow captured it all. I had felt a strange attachment to it but dismissed it with the thought of just missing home.

Days I was confined in the house, but nights I was out on the hilltop, watching the sun set and then staying until it was completely dark and all I could hear was the sound of bugs and my heart beating slowly in my chest. As I looked up in the sky, I couldn't help thinking if Steve was doing the same. There was obviously a time difference, but surely at one point, the same moon that had captured my gaze must have captured his and suddenly I wouldn't feel so alone anymore. I hated the fact that I was still striving for anything that would connect me with him. But most of all, I hated that I didn't hate it.

Right now my ass was planted on the hard soil and I had my headphones in, listening to my playlist of sad songs. I had realised just how toxic it was but I couldn't stop. I wanted to feel sad. I deserved it. Suddenly the headphones were ripped out of my ear and a body came and sat down next to me.

"I can't believe you still come here." Adam adjusted legs so he was comfortable before turning to face me.

"I can't believe you came all the way here."

"I was wondering where you went. Thought maybe you would have run away again but I saw your suitcase still in the corner of the room. I'm surprised you haven't unpacked since you've been back a week."

I picked at the grass, the sound of it being ripped out of the soil being slightly comforting. "Well, I'm leaving soon anyways so there's not much point."

He sighed and began doing the same as me. "About that...why are you doing it? You have a whole life in New York, why are you throwing it all away?"

"Because I don't deserve it. I said a lot of fucked up shit to people who care about me and I'm not just talking about in New York."

I finally met his gaze to see his eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Your mum didn't tell you?"

He shook his head, obviously not knowing what I was talking about. "I'm surprised. She had no problem telling everyone else with ears in the close vicinity."