Bad Habits [NOT COMPLETED]

Chapter Thirteen

A/N;

*This chapter may trigger depressive thoughts. Read at your own risk*

My bottom lip seemed to endlessly quiver as my walls crashed down all around me. With every beat of my heart, the pounding aftermath always greeted my head. My swollen eyes could just about see a blurry image of the rest of the bathroom from the bathtub that my lifeless body lay in.

At first my sobs were stifled, trying to hid the rawness of the pain that was buried deep inside of me. But my body was too weak to trap the pain anymore. Breaking from a rusted old metal cage, my body would let out an uncontrollable sob that only led to another gush of tears. Only to end back at square one.

My wet hair hung loosely over my left shoulder. Letting go of the water that was too heavy to linger within my strands of hair. My hair, now flawed by sorrows row. Cigarette after cigarette. Butts carelessly thrown upon the ash filled tile floor. The side of the claw tub, smeared with cigarette ash and mascara along with tissues, thrown in a pile near by.

There I lay, like a ceramic doll. So flawlessly broken. In a half filled ice cold bathtub, legs dangling over the side with half chipped painted toe nails, swinging into the air. Pushing the smoke out of its way and directing it around the room with control. I was half submerged into the water which was now diluted by my salty tears. My shirt clung to my pale skin as if to keep me warm. My mind felt at ease, but my body told me otherwise.

The sadness flowed through my veins and deadened my mind. It was a poison to my spirit, dulling me while killing off my other emotions. It lay like dirty snow over every other emotion,  until it was the only one that remained. The black foggy mist in my lungs, seemed to get heavier and heavier with ever single puff that was inhaled into my fragile lungs.

My lungs were cursing me for what I was putting them through again.

Tilting my head up towards the ceiling, I couldn't help but let out another cough. My dark lashes were brimmed heavy with tears. That's when I knew I couldn't keep it together anymore. My salty tears overflowed my eyes and felt warm as they rolled, slowly down my cheeks that were touched by Jack Frost himself.

This pain of mine, cut into my like a knife. Pierced my soul and heart, only adding another scar.

My pain was raw.

-

Hours has droned on slowly and the dark puffs of clouds began to let baby rays of sunlight flood into the bathroom. My body continued to lay in the same position accept I had fallen asleep from exhaustion of crying. I hadn't slept last night. Instead, I was doing was I had been for the past while.

Letting the sea of emotions wash over me. Taking control of my body and mind.

Blake must have had come to visit me previously, as I was now slowly gaining consciousness. His pleads echoed into my ears. Piercing the sound barrier. His hands were now clutching at my t-shirt that I still clung to my body, a little less now. Violently shaking me, begging me to wake up. With no respond, his panicked voice began to grow a little louder as he started to take off his jacket. Grunting as he swooped me up into his harms, bridal style. He effortlessly kicked the door open a little more, as he carried my cold, and lifeless body into the room.

I felt as I was dying at that moment.

Running back into the bathroom, his footsteps became more quieter as I began to slip back into my cold and dark place.

-

Groaning as I tried to move but was restricted by the amount of towels and blankets that smothered my entire body. As I attempted to move, Blake has shot up and was helping me take off the blankets. "You're finally awake. What the hell were you trying to do.Huh" His voice only laced with half anger and half confusion. Little to no worry was displayed. "Were you trying to kill yourself" he continued as I was finally free from the blankets.

Looking down, I noticed that I was changed into different clothing. Hugging my knees, My slightly damp hair flowed down beside me. Covering my face from Blake's deathly glares that warned me to not lie.

"I don't know" my voice finally croaked. "You're one stupid girl" he spat. "What If I wasn't here. What would you have done then?"

I dared not to answer for I was too tired of everything. The deadly silence engulfed us. Trapping us, as if we were one of those married couples. Slowly and painfully coming to an end but not willing to actually admit it.

Tears has began to flow down again as I tried to gather my strength and courage to look at him. I could tell he had noticed this as he was not sitting in front of me, lifting my chin up with his fingers. Just like he had done the very first time. "I'm sorry" he whispered as he began to wrap his arms around my body. Holding me in the silence. "Don't do that again. Promise me Ella".

"I promise" I mumbled into his chest as I lay curled up.

-

Time was now passing by at a quicker pace, and I knew Blake wasn't willing to stay with me. His expression said so. Anxious and ready to bolt at any chance he got.

The less time he spent with me was more time spent with someone else.

I knew he was no longer mine.

Our conversations were much harder to actually create as I had stepped back and stopped actually giving a damn. Since I had done this, I had noticed that he was never the one to start up the conversation.

It was always me.

"I better be off-" "Do you love me" both our voiced crashed into the air simultaneously. "Huh" he eyed me, confused as he was now standing up off the bed. "Do you love me" I repeated myself. Bending down to my level, he sat down on the bed and picked up both my hands within his. Stroking them, he glanced up at me and stared directly into my blue orbs which no longer were glazed over by tears.

"Of course I do Ella. You scared me so much when you weren't responding to me at first, I though you had ended it" his voice slowly cracked as he began to speak those harsh but truthful words. Licking his dry lips, he tried to continue to explain to me what is going on lately with him but I stopped him.

Crashing my lips upon his, he returned the favor and kissed me back. The sweet and almost passionate kiss. Forever stained on my lips.

So sweet, It was almost a deadly sin.

Pulling away from me, he gave me a final hug before he got up and headed out the door. Still making the same mistake of stepping on the creaky floorboards.

Smiling at this, I had a feeling all hope was not all lost.

We may be broken, but I am somewhat certain we can fix this mess.

Listening to Blake opening the door, I heard him speak words that tore the hope from heart and soul. Almost like taking candy from a child.

"Goodbye Sandra, I love yo-. Oh SHIT!"

And the door quickly slammed behind him, leaving the echo's of a broken relationship on the side of the road.

A/N;

Poor Ella :(
This is just a first draft. Sorry for mistakes