rate.u | pjm ✔

forty-seven.

sinai sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. the truth was, sitting on that very same library, waiting for jimin to come find her was a long shot and she knew it. if the boy was mad at her, he wouldn't simply come look for her.

there were so many reasons why sinai thought jimin was wrong to feel the way he felt. in her eyes, she was doing her best, and even so she tried doing better every day. but at the same time, she kept thinking that perhaps he was right. that she simply hadn't been giving him enough.

she tried to focus on the task at hand; struggling to memorize diseases symptoms and treatments meanwhile having her head all messed up due to what was happening with jimin was proving to be a difficult thing to do. she bit on her bottom lip, eyeing her textbook and huffing.

this is not working.

"do you mind if i sit here?" a familiar voice spoke, raising her hopes just a bit. until she realized who the voice belonged to.

even if she wanted to protest, he had already pulled the chair next to her and sat down. eyeing her textbook, he scrunched his nose up. "let me guess, you're taking mr. kang's class? he's the worst."

taking a deep breath, she finally looked at him. "what are you doing here, kai?"

the man didn't have an answer. he still knew she would come to the library to study, and for some reason he had found himself wanting to find her there. he craved her company, in ways that perhaps he hadn't felt before, especially not when they had been together.

"oh i'm studying," he lifted his own text book. "but in my case it's surgery. sucks being about to finish med school, right?"

and there it was, yet another reason why she kept being reminded of him. not even at school could she get a break from seeing his face, knowing that he was a classroom away from her at any given moment. she hated how similar their tastes, dreams and likes were at times.

sinai rested her cheek against the palm of her hand. she didn't want to seem indelicate, well, it wouldn't matter a lot anyway, but being with kai was everything she didn't need at the moment.

"yeah well, i have an exam next friday so please don't interrupt me," she spoke, her voice coming off as cold and uninterested.

kai quirked his eyebrow. "not even if i offer to help? i mean, i've had the subject before and i passed."

tapping her fingertips against her cheeks, she considered the proposal for a second. how much harm could be done, considering he apparently wouldn't be moving an inch and this would mean he at least would be trying to help her?

"alright, talk to me about muscular dystrophy then," she finally agreed, pointing to the title on her textbook.

kai was excited to see her response. maybe, perhaps, he wasn't wrong to think that there was still something there. sure, he had seen her with her new boyfriend, and they seemed to like each other enough, but kai knew very well that he had been her first real love. and he was once again interested.

furrowing his eyebrows, he gave the textbook a once over before starting to explain some of symptoms to sinai. he demonstrated them, explaining why some of the medicine used would help reverse those symptoms at least to facilitate the person's life.

sinai followed along his trail of thought, paying special attention to when he would mention the kind of questions the professor would make on the subject. despite their proximity, sinai grew to understand she was unbothered by it all. as if he meant next to nothing to her, in a positive or negative manner.

and then, he got overly excited. taking her hand in his, he tried to show her exactly what a claw hand looked like, making sinai freeze in her spot. not because he had affected her, it was quite the opposite; it was because she felt nothing.

and to top it all off, all she could think about was how jimin had made her feel everything even with the slightest touch.

sinai swallowed hard, removing her hand from kai's grasp immediately. "kai, don't do this."

"do what?" the man feigned confusion.

"you know as well as i do that your intentions aren't innocent," she spoke, letting out a deep breath. "i know you. i've known you for a while now. and i know the kind of look you're giving me, and i don't like it."

"what do you mean?" he insisted.

"i mean that you're once again thinking of me as some sort of prey you have to chase, and i'm not like that, i've grown tired of being that in someone's life," she started gathering her things, stuffing them in her backpack. "i have a boyfriend who i adore more than anything in the world, and i've grown tired of you being in the way of it."

kai couldn't say he understood what was going on. what he did understand though, was that this somehow meant defeat. selfishly, just as expected, admitting to his own defeat was more hurtful to him than understanding that it meant he couldn't have her. because kai knew, deep down, she was right.

"and what can he give you that i didn't?" he scoffed, in an attempt to salvage whatever was left of his dignity.

sinai pressed her textbook to her chest, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. "everything, kai, everything i have always wanted but you were always too blindsided by your huge ass ego to ever understand it. i'm only sorry i didn't see it sooner."

and she left, heading towards the exit of the library and waiting at the nearest bus station for the next bus that could take her to jimin's place.

and as she hopped on the bus, phone in her hand, she finally took a deep breath and looked over her contact list.

she searched for the letter 'k', and once she reached his contact, she dropped all of her fears to the ground and pressed his contact name.

deleting contact
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***
author's note
i have decided to take a different route with this story and i can say that chapter 50 will probably be the last one! let's see if i can write what i want to write in three more chapters...

anyway i made a little mistake and honey is only going to come out tomorrow, well, in twelve hours anyway!

love you so much, thank you for almost 4k reads ❤