Boundaries

Tish: what you're thinking

{Tish}

Conor was feeling well enough the next day that we went back to the training room. Ralph and Grant joined us; we weren't going to be fighting at any rate. Conor has asked me to bring a blindfold, and while I wasn't thrilled about being blind, I was sure that Conor had a plan.
"My interrogation with Sasha reminded me of tag," Conor said, I'm sure as his attempt at an explanation. He took the blindfold and tied it to my face. I focused on the sound of Conor's voice.
"Tag?" I questioned.
"Yeah. Stefa wanted me to get better at relying on my wolf senses in a fight. But she was always worried that the hunters would get upset if we sparred, so we played tag instead."
"Okay?"
"So you're it," he laughed; I could hear him bounce away. "This floor is noisy, and you're pretty fast. If you listen with your wolf ears, you'll catch me."
"Ralph and Grant had to be here for this?" I complained, feeling foolish as I wandered about with my hands out to catch me.
"Yeah, otherwise you'd cheat." Conor was on the other side of the room now. "Take a breath. Smell the room. Hear my footsteps. You got this, Tish."
Half of those were orders, not that they helped me. I could smell the staleness of room, dozens of hunters and their sweat permeated the room, despite the disinfectant. I could hear Grant snicker as I stumbled, but I didn't snap a reply. He was well within his rights since I punched him yesterday.
I heard Conor walk past me and I reached out, touching only air.
"You're guessing," he scolded.
I huffed at him and took a deep breath, imagining that I could hear his heel touch the floor and the sound of the ball of Conor's foot as he turned. In the forest, it had felt like I could hear and smell everything. I felt like smell would work against me in this room.
I heard the sound of feet, but as I stood quietly. I realized I could hear more than that. I could hear Ralph breathe and Conor's new shoes squeaking against the rubber. The way his shirt moved against his skin as he adjusted one sleeve. He paused his trek across the floor, and I turned to face him.
"You did it," he said, not as a question. His voice sounded loud in the room. "So now, we can play tag."
"But I can hear you," I pointed out.
"But you still can't see," he shot back. "Come on. Grant, you can't play, you don't have any smell."
"Yes, but I remember this game now. Now I have a chance to beat you, Conor."
I heard Conor ducked past me and I heard Grant's lighter steps running behind. I reached out and grabbed Grant's arm, pulling him around before darting after Conor. With my wolf ears, it was almost like I didn't need to see. I would have been screwed if there had been pillars or something in here, but in an empty space I knew well, I could tell how far Grant or Conor was from a wall. The echoes were small but important.
I would have to train my ears, I thought. Not just with dumb games like this, but also with a new vocabulary. What was the sound of a safety unlatching? Could I hear it? What about a door handle, or too quiet wind? For a moment, as I bobbed and ducked around the other two, grinning while still trying to catch Conor, I thought of all the possibilities I had in front of me. How I could hear a trap coming or have the upper hand in pitch darkness.
I stopped suddenly and ripped the blindfold off, throwing it to the ground. Conor and Grant froze and then headed toward me with worry on their faces. I shook my head and walked over to the wall, sliding down to sit.
"What's wrong?" Conor inquired, kneeling down to sit in front of me.
"Everything I learn, Gayle will use to kill more werewolves, kill more vampires," I said. "The better I get at being...this," I gestured to myself; "the more they'll expect. The less likely I am to get out."
Ralph rolled over to place a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Tish."
"It's all well and good if we're hunting bad people, vampires who kill without conscience or packs who rip families apart in their own home," I sighed. "But Grant and I both know, that's not all the time. How long will they put up with our pack, Ralph? What will we do?"
Ralph frowned at me. "Do you think that Gayle is in her office?"
"She usually is, why?" I asked.
"Because at some point, I should talk to her about exactly that. I don't see why now couldn't be the time. Conor and Grant, stay here, will you? I don't want it to seem like we're ambushing her."
"But," Conor began, rising to his feet quickly.
"He's safe with me," I promised. "Are you sure, Ralph?"
"If she says no, then it's more than time for Conor and me to leave, wouldn't you think? Come on."
Ralph spun around, and I walked beside him out of the training room. Conor looked conflicted, but Grant had his hand on his arm.
"Come on, I still haven't caught you yet," I heard Grant tell him as the door shut.
Ralph chuckled as we left the hall.
"Conor's like a mother hen sometimes," he said. "I feel all my hovering over him has caught up with me."
"He cares about you," I pointed out. "You're family."
"Oh sure. I know why, but it doesn't make it less smothering. I'm older than he is. I practically raised him. Mel and I have always thought of him as our son. I sometimes wish that he knew what that meant, or how much that meant. How hurt Mel is every time he runs off. It's hard to explain what family is, you know?"
"I understand," I replied.
"So with that said, what were you thinking, sleeping with Conor? I lectured him at the time because it wasn't my place to say something to you, but now it is, and I just can't for the life of me wrap my head around it."
I wasn't expecting the question and let out a nervous -sounding laugh.
"I wasn't thinking about there being consequences," I said. "People have one night stands all the time, Ralph. It's the twenty-first century. Conor is an attractive man when he's not emaciated from silver. The square jaw, the brooding eyes, the scruff that never seems to grow in. We talked about it beforehand. There was no commitment, and both of us knew it. It was about relaxing for an evening."
We got into the elevator, heading to Gayle's office. The one hunter with us got off on the next floor with a sneer on their face that I tried to ignore.
"Yeah, okay sure," Ralph scoffed. "I watched you sit by his side when he was unconscious. You two are very past friends with benefits, Tish."
"I realize that," I complained. "But it was after. I realized after that I would like to sleep with him again. That I didn't want Stefa to scoop him away. But as I told him two days ago, he's welcome to make his own decisions. I'm not going to be kidnapping anyone to prove my affections. I have nothing to prove. Conor is either interested, or he's not."
"Except the hunters are a problem," Ralph sighed. "You two can't be anything with the hunters around, Tish. I won't have Conor trapped here like Aidan would have been. Mel couldn't take it, for one. Conor doesn't deserve that, for another."
"I know," I replied. "I never thought there would come a day that I regretted working here, but that day came and went weeks ago."
I knocked on the door and opened it with Gayle's permission. She looked up at the two of us with concern.
"Conor hasn't been poisoned again, I hope," she remarked.
"No, he's fine," Ralph said. "I would like to talk about going home and what after entails."
"After?"
"Nolan's pack had an accord with you," he said. "I don't know the conditions, but I would rather have some sort of surety that I won't wake to a drone firing on my home. Also, Tish and Grant will be staying on my farm for part of the month. There's just a lot I would rather have in writing, Gayle."
"I see your point," she admitted. "Very well. Our accord was with Nolan, not the Mercer pack. He was charged with keeping the peace or we would hold him accountable."
"I accept those terms," Ralph replied. "I imagine that 'keeping the peace' was not to bite, harm or kill any human."
"Or to let the civilian population know about the existence of werewolves and vampires," Gayle added.
"Well, that clause got my family killed," I noted. "So maybe we could relax on that rule?"
"What?" she asked sharply.
"Nolan's pack were the ones who killed my family," I said, forgetting that I hadn't told the hunters. "Brian, he's in Ralph's pack now, and he stayed with my parents as a foster kid until he turned. Then he scared my mom and ran back to his pack which came back to tie up loose ends. You know the rest."
Gayle leaned back in her chair and didn't say anything for a dreadful pause. I was worried I had jeopardized Ralph's accord with my big mouth.
"You know this to be true?" she asked finally.
"We heard it from Nolan minutes before he died," Ralph agreed.
"Is this why you killed him?"
Ralph shook his head. "Nolan challenged me. He wanted to take my pack over so Brian would come back to Utah without a fuss to be his heir. Brian didn't want to go." 
Gayle's eyebrows rose. "Brian? You mean Taylor?"
"You know him?" I asked.
"Taylor, sure. I met him when he still was the heir apparent. He was a good kid; I hoped he would come back because Nolan was...impossible to have meetings with after Taylor vanished. He wanted me to use hunter resources to find Taylor. All this time he was hiding in Montana? What is this magic place? Is there a normal one of you there? Any lost princesses I should know about?"
"Not unless Daria isn't telling the truth about herself," Ralph replied. "Most of my pack were college kids who were turned against their will. They don't want to hurt people. They just want to feel normal again. I think Brian feels at home because he's never asked to betray his own conscience there."
Gayle's phone rang, and she picked it up.
"I'll call you back in a minute," she told the other person, disconnecting the call. She turned back to Ralph and me.
"I'll draft an agreement and send it to Peter," she said. "You and Peter can go over it. You mentioned being willing to foster turned werewolves?"
"Possibly," Ralph allowed. "Not if you're turning them on purpose. Not if I'm grooming them to be attack dogs like you want Tish to be."
Gayle's eyes shifted towards me. I worried that I had shown my hand. The hunters still thought I wanted to be here. I knew I should do a better job fitting in, but I couldn't stand the person I had been before, nor the people I had once called my friends.
"I'll keep that in mind," she responded. "You'll have something by the end of the week."
Ralph bobbed his head, and we headed out; I got the door so Ralph could roll past me.
"I don't feel better after that meeting," he admitted.
"I'm not sure I do either," I replied.
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Sorry about the delay. I wish I could say that my RL is calmer now, but that's a lie. At least here's an update!