The Mental Patient

Chapter 25 - She Was My First

I curl up on the chairs clutches. From living as a King in Sin City to be collecting dust in captivity, this drug bubble glazes over me, I can't think, I can't breathe, is my heart

"So, what are we talking about today, Doc? My mam? My Dad? Emotions? Or my fave, my hunting's?" My voice has started to fail, this what happens when you'd rather talk to yourself from the inside than talk about the identical conversations from before.

"No, no... Today I'd like to talk about relationships within your life. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever had any type of sexual encounters with another?" His pen points out the thin ice of his questions he skates across. My memory relights the root of candle in my eyes.

"I've only ever had the one, she was my first. She was also the reason behind me writing the way I do. After she left me, all I had were question which left me words." – "You can elaborate, if you like. Take your time Kyle, no pressure."

I laid belly flat on that ground, burning ants with my magnifying glass. I was a really goofy looking kid and that wavy brown hair was nowt to be haughty of, I thought it was stylish. She rolled by on her pink bike with entourage, Lauren Burns, her dad owed Burns Tool shop in Town. She will always live within my memory as perfection. She will always be my first love and I would always be her first victim.

"I will hold my heart over you." She injures the demon within me.

If we only die once, I want to share a box with you. I had a dream of our perfect life together, holding hands in the midst of each other's battles. If we are side by side we could conquer it all, we could be royal lovers in our ravishing dark land. Too much booze brings out our slurring kiss of life; me + you = us. Self-destruct with me and I promise you will not be alone in this world full of people.

I only have one heart so I can only share it with one other person; you! We have nothing else but this. You give me life being around you, if you were to ever leave me, the loneliness would be my serial killer every day. As time goes by and I haven't seen your face in a while, I begin to think I could live without you but when you arrive in front of me, the feeling of loving something, which is precise for my soul, comes flooding back in. You do more for me than you know.

I love you, the term sounds so overused so let me just say I love the way we make the other feel. Billions of people within this world and I haven't met them all but there is one I cannot live without. I want to grow old and senile with you, forget you one moment and dance in our treasured memories the next. I stand a man upon walked pages ready to fight for love on its own battlefield. Over this past year, my life has been about you, you haven't gone that far from my mind but you always arrive at my door; your knock knocks me down. Something bigger than my ego and passion is at work. I know you and it is a love of stellar proportions. I can daydream of you for hours and hours, to the outside wilderness of a world I am living with bewilderment but inside myself, I am building a greater future for us both, keeping our love alive. A man would go crazy without a proper woman.

The date was the year of the I-pad and Lauren and I were sitting making daisy-chains in an open field just behind Donnie Larks farm. This was our spot, our time and how we showed love to one another. For teens, worldwide falling for the equal sex for a time in curious nature may just be a fad, but for us it was the real deal; Lauren and Kyle forever carved into trees we held each other in. Here we lay staring into each other's starry eyes as the only two here. Our ankle socks pulled up high as well as my hope for our love. My eyes have been immersed in the shimmer of her. Drug me up, baby. Her hair was always bunched in a fountain style up in air, held together with clasps of different animals every day. Her aching asquint squeezes her lover. She only smiles one corner lip at a time. Her skin has a natural brown shine; the black and white striped t-shirt she wears complimented and blew up her jugs, they're such a mouthful to talk too. She's not a trophy to me but I will hold and polish her metallic fleece.