bad boy

30

I see Ethan coming into the house. My eyes widen and I run to my room.

"Lexie! Wait!" He says.

I ignore him and close my door. I don't know what he is doing here. After what he did to me? I have to text Maddy.

Me: Maddy! 9-1-1!!

Maddy: What? What's wrong?

Me: Ethan is at my house. I panicked when I saw him get in so I ran to my room and he's downstairs talking to my mom and I don't know what to do! What if my mom lets him come upstairs to talk to me? I'm not ready! Help me!!!!!!!

Maddy: Okay. First of all, CALM DOWN! Second, it's gonna be okay. If he comes to talk to you, just listen. You don't have to answer him but at least listen to what he has to say.

Me: Okay. Thanks, Maddy :) I'll text you later.

Maddy: Yes and I want ALL the details.

Me: Okay😂

It's been 20 minutes that I'm in my room waiting for I don't know what. I hear the front door close and I look through my window. I see Ethan walking to his car. He turns back and looks at my window. He sees me and I look at my feet. A tear fall on my cheek. I look back at him and he just stays there doing nothing.

I'm a little bit disappointed that he didn't come talk to me but I wouldn't have been able to look at him in the eyes without crying. I love him with all my heart but what he did to me is unforgettable...Maybe even unforgivable. I want to be in his arms. I want him to make me feel safe. But now, he makes me feel weak and sad.

Ethan decides to turn around. I watch him walk away to his car and get in it. I lean on the wall and start crying. I let myself slide from the wall to the ground. I put arms on my knees and lean my head on my arms crying. My mom enters my room and runs up to me.

"Shhhh. It's okay." She says hugging me. "It's gonna be alright. Everything will be alright."

-

"So he didn't come to talk to you?" Maddy asks sitting on my bed.

"Well I don't think so but he just talked to my mom and left maybe 20 minutes after. I looked at him through my window and he just stood there looking at me. After that, he just walked away to his car. I couldn't handle it anymore so I just started crying. And my mom came to my room and stayed with me."

Maddy looked at me with wide eyes.
"He didn't even smile to you?" She asks with anger in her voice.

"Nope" I answer.

"What an ass!" It makes me laugh.

"Yep. But why would he do that to me? He wasn't even drunk! So he did it on purpose." I say throwing my arms in the air.

"I have no idea. But I'm sure one day, all your questions will be answered."

"I hope so... I hate being mad at him. I can't stand being away from him for more than 3 days. How am I supposed to be mad at him and try to avoid him? " I explain.

"You'll figure something out. You always do" Maddy says hugging me.

I asked her if she wanted to come over and have a girl night so we could have fun and I wouldn't think about Ethan. Of course, she said yes. She arrived 5 minutes ago and asked me what happened and I explained to her everything.

We watched movies all night. We watched The Notebook (duhh), The Kissing Booth, F the prom, and other movies.  It did make me forgot about all my problems. We fell asleep on a movie around 2:30 am. We have school tomorrow so I don't know if we're gonna be late or not. We have to wake up at 6:20. We can only sleep for like 4 hours. Tomorrow's gonna be a looooong day...

Monday

We wake up at 6:45 am. We overslept a little but at least we still have some time to get ready. So we get out of bed and I just put some simple black leggings and a grey sweatshirt. I put my hair up in a messy bun and I don't feel like wearing makeup today so I just go straight to my bathroom and brush my teeth.

Maddy is doing to same things that she does every morning: choose an outfit (from her bag), do something beautiful with her hair,  putting makeup on her face (foundation, concealer, mascara, eyeshadow, and eyeliner), and after that she joins me in the bathroom and start brushing her teeth too.

I look at my phone and see that it's already 7:15 am. We have 50 minutes before the classes start.

"Wanna go to Starbucks to get some drinks before school?" I ask Maddy.

She nods and we go downstairs. My mom is at the table with my sister. I kiss them and we go to my car. We get in and I pull out the driveway and head to Starbucks. It's only 5 minutes away from my house so I know we won't be late for school.

Maddy and I used to come at Starbucks every Sunday morning at 10 am. We stopped last year because school got a lot harder and we needed some time to focus on our studies. Honestly, I miss having our little meetings here. We use to talk about everything that was happening in our lives. We still do tho.

I park and I turn off the engine. Just as I am about to get out my car, I see a car that I recognize. Ethan's car.

"I uh... think I'm gonna stay in the car..." I say nervously.

"What? Why?" Maddy asks.

I look over at Ethan's car and Maddy does the same.

"Oh come on, Lex. You can't stop living because of him. He wasn't your first and certainly not your last!" Maddy says throwing her arms in the air.

She's right tho. I need to confront him. I need to show him that I'm not gonna stop living because of him.

"Okay." I say opening the door.

We get out of the car and go into the Starbucks. We get in line and wait until it's our turn to order. I look around and see Ethan's messy hair. It's messier than ever. It looks like he didn't even have the energy to at least run his hands into his hair like he always does. His hair isn't like usual. It isn't up and fluffy. It's down on his forehead and floppy.

He's looking at his drink that looks like he didn't take a sip of. His eyes are puffy and look like he's been crying. His dark circles under his eyes show he hasn't slept a lot. You can see the pain in them.

I feel kinda bad even if I shouldn't. What he did to me is bad and I shouldn't worry about him. But I love him. I can't stop thinking about him. He didn't even try to talk to me. Well, yes he did and I ran away because I panicked... I just miss him.

I miss him so much.