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14

I broke down

Today.

I thrashed everywhere,

And I cut myself

Too many times

To count.

I screamed until

I couldn't anymore,

And I couldn't stop

Crying.

Everyone tried

To calm me down,

But they couldn't do anything

Without getting kicked

Or scratched

Or whacked

Or cut by the razor

I had in my hand.

Shane and Ingrid

Were the only ones

Who hugged me

Until I passed out

Despite getting cut

And bruised.

I remember getting blood

All over the bathroom floor,

And breaking the mirror.

I cut off my hair,

So now it's choppy,

And short like a boys.

It was during school,

too,

so everyone saw

my breakdown.

Some were horrified

by the blood.

Others just watched.

Some of the kids

were whispering

amongst themselves.

I kinda wondered

what they were saying,

but for the first time ever,

I couldn't care less.

After all the commotion,

I just passed out.

I'm sure

there was

pandemonium

after,

but

I don't really know

what happened after that.

I woke up in the hospital

again,

with gauze

covering my wrists.

I took it off

and just stared at the cuts

and gashes

that ripped my arms up.

The nurse came in,

and immediately

wrapped up my wrists

and told me

not to take off the gauze.

I didn't say anything.

I didn't really have anything to say,

and I didn't want to talk,

anyways.

So instead,

I just stared at the wall.

I stared,

and stared,

and stared,

and stared,

until more drugs kicked in,

and I was back

swimming in a sea of darkness.

But instead of feeling peace

in the darkness,

monsters,

and all sorts of things

were coming after me,

and there was no escape.

I couldn't get to the light,

where it was safe,

because there was

a huge abyss

separating me

from the light.

I couldn't even wake up,

because the drugs kept me under,

holding me hostage

in their grasps,

as the nightmares

tore across my mind.

I wished,

oh,

how I wished,

I was just swimming in a sea of darkness.