Smile

9

I woke up in the hospital.
I couldn't tell
Where I was
At first
But then I saw the nurses
And the machines
I was hooked up to
And I knew.
Delilah
Was the only one in the room
With me.
She was asleep
But at least she was there.
I didn't know
Where my parents were,
But I bet
They were at work.

Delilah
Woke up.
She looked at me,
And asked me,
"Why?
Why did you cut yourself
So much,
And not eat?"
I couldn't look at her
For the fear of crying.
"Do you know,
How much it hurt?
It was
Horrible
Finding you
Passed out
On the bathroom floor.
I thought you were happy!"

I wanted to scoff.
I took a deep breath,
Trying to calm down,
But I was already furious.
So I screamed at her.
"I hurt you?!
What about me, huh?
All those times
You were with your friends
Or your boyfriend,
Where do you think I was!?
Laughing with my friends!?
I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS!
You, and Mom, and Dad?
You guys don't care about me.
Ever since this move,
I've gotten worse.
Mom and Dad
Don't care enough
To talk to me,
To ask me what's wrong.
I came home drunk,
And YOU DIDNT EVEN NOTICE!
Why, you ask?
Because nobody cares, okay?
Nobody
Cares
About
Me."

Then,
I started crying,
And screaming,
And thrashing.
The nurses came
Running in,
And I think,
They had to sedate me.
Because I started
Feeling woozy,
And my limbs got really heavy.
I was feeling
Über tired,
So
I succumbed to the darkness.

***

When I woke up again,
Delilah
Wasn't there.
Only a nurse
Who was assigned
To watch me at all times.
I felt like a prisoner.
I didn't talk again.
My throat was hurting,
but I did want to ask
if I could maybe
get a test done,
to see
if I'd
really been
raped.
But
I was too embarrassed,
so
I pretended to fall asleep.
Then, I actually did.

My parents came,
and they woke me up.
They screamed at me.
The nurse
had to calm them down,
and ask them to leave
me alone.
She then made sure
I was okay.
I shrugged.
I mean,
it's obvious
that I'm not.
If I was,
would I really
be in a hospital
for being
Anorexic
And bulemic
And for self harm?
I don't think so.