Letters to Eleanor

February 1st, 2014

February 1st,

Happy first of the month!  It's just one step closer to the beautiful Alaskan summers.

But it also used to be my sister's birthday.

She would complain all the time about having a crappy winter birthday, while I have a birthday in mid April.

I miss Nellie terribly.  We didn't have the best relationship in the world, I never put in an effort for her.  

Nellie was my older sister, older by three years.  When she committed suicide she was seventeen and  I was only fifteen.  

She committed suicide because her boyfriend was drafted for the war.  He was destined to die.  We were already loosing the war as it was, but they decided to draft more boys, even boys sixteen years old.

Nellie met him when we moved to Alaska.  Tobias was part of another family who moved here after their home had been destroyed.  They fell in love instantly, becoming eachother's anchors in this cruel world.  I had never seen Nellie so happy in her life.

Nellie was at Tobias' house when the soilder rapped his hand on the door.  Nellie told me that he pulled out a list and asked if he was Green, Tobias to which Tobias responded yes to.  The soldier told them that he was to become a part of the American army at only seventeen.

They savored all the time together that they could. I barely saw Nellie those five weeks while they waited for the military bus to arrive.  I knew she must have really loved him more than anything.

Then came the day when Tobias had to leave.  Nellie and the Green family went to say goodbye.  Once Tobias' mother started crying, the whole family left before the gray bus could.  Nellie stayed there, determined to stay strong.  But I knew that she fell to pieces like the world she had gotten to known over the last few months.  She kissed him goodbye and he was off on his way to certain death.

Nellie spent the next two days moping around our home and crying her eyes out.  My mom suggested that she should write a journal entry or a diary to sort through her feelings.  Nellie did just that.  I guess reliving the horrid events pushed her over the edge.  I went to her room to see how she was feeling.  I pushed open the door and saw a single piece of paper on her otherwise empty bed.  It nearly brought tears to my eyes, it was the journal entry she had written about Tobias.  

"Nellie?" I called out softly.  There was no answer.  "Nellie? Where are you?"   Still no answer.  I looked around her room searching for some sort of clue to let me know where she was.  Her bathroom door was cracked open, I swung the door open and saw a horrible sight.  My sister was sprawled face first against the cold tile.  Her whole body was limp. "MOM! COME HER NOW, IT'S AN EMERGENCY." In her right hand was an empty prescription bottle.  "MOM, CALL 911." Tears were escaping my eyes, "Nellie, are you still here?" I choked out.  I flipped her body over so I could see her face.  Her eyes were closed and she had a small smile on her face.  "Nellie," I cried out.  

My mom burst into the bathroom, "Wha-" She dropped to her knees and shook Nellie gently, "Nellie?" her eyes were beginning to tear up.  My mom pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and punched in the numbers 9-1-1.  She shouted our address into the phone, "Please help, my daughter, I think she attempted suicide." I heard a calm voice speak from the other side of the phone.  My mom clicked end and threw the phone to her side.  "Nellie, my sweet Eleanor..." She stroked Nellie's wavy brown hair and her caramel tanned face.  "Stay with us Nellie, please."

I was holding tightly onto my older sister's hand, praying that she would make it, but I knew what was happening.  I could feel the heat leaving her body. "Nelle," I collapsed on top of her stomach and cried even harder.

Twenty minutes later an abulance arrived, taking Nellie and my mother to the nearest hospital which was the next town over.  I was left alone, not knowing the fate my sister.

My mother came back a day later with a blank look on her face.  I didn't even have to ask her, I knew Nellie was dead.

Well, happy eighteenth birthday, Nellie.

-Kaliah