The Way Back To You

Chapter 15

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A L E X

I walk back home to coach Lawrence's van, massaging my temples and trying to put a cork on my anger. This rising blood pressure can't possibly be good for me. If I don't stop now...

I take in deep calming breaths and think back to what my therapists told me about controlling my mood swings.

"Deep breaths. Count to ten."

I do a mental countdown and run my hands through my hair, walking a little bit faster towards the van near the gulley.

I chalk this all up to my father. All up to my father.

If he wasn't my father, I wouldn't have this problem. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be stuck in this situation. I would still be back in Indiana, probably in a different district...But...Not boxing. Still in a home. Near Ariana. Near my mother. Able to help them more than the monthly pay checks that just barely get them by...

In my frustrated state, I feel my anger flare up more and the pace of my footsteps increase. I again try to bring it down, letting out a groan as I rub my fingers over my forehead and tilting back my head.

I also blame April.

I could have really blown it in there, and that would not have ended well. I can't afford to lose my temper like that. I need to keep it in check. One wrong misstep could lead to my own demise...And then what would happen to Ariana? And what about Mom? She can't get by without me.

They're my motivation for living, and actually taking the pills I'm prescribed. Honestly, if not for them I would have kicked the bucket ages ago.

I sigh and close my eyes, trying to block out the throbbing headache pounding my skull right now. I can feel the blood pulsing through my brain.

I need to tread carefully. Very carefully.

The world turns to white light around me, and I'm suddenly exhausted. I see the gulley up ahead, where the van is parked at the bend.

I let out a loud breath and practically run the rest of the way towards it. I see some of my boxing partners; or at least the ones who represent Lawrence as much as I do, climb up into the van.

I follow them, taking hold of a pole and pulling myself onto the platform.

Coach Lawrence is passed out on the first seat, which is reclined to form a sort of bed.

My teammates follow suit, each dropping down onto a cushion and resting against the frame of a window.

I walk to the very back, near my pack full of clothes, and empty out a medicine bottle. I refill my prescription cup and take in a shot of aspirin.

That should keep me stable for a while.

Oh god help me.

                                                                              ...

In the morning, I rise early and step outside the van. Coach Lawrence takes a puff of smoke and looks back at me as I walk down the street.

"Going to that school?"

I nod and pull on my back pack.

Coach smirks and brings the cigarette away from his mouth, trailing a long line of smoke. I wrinkle my nose at it and cringe away.

Coach notices it and lets out a soft laugh.

"So young. So innocent," he shakes his head and his shoulders quiver.

"I would think so if I never knew you. Never saw you in the ring, huh?"

I wipe at my eyes and laugh with him. But mine is loud, false and bitter.

"I had my innocence stripped away. Never really got the chance to be innocent, huh?"

Coach bites on his lip and throws his cigarette to the side. His eyes narrow on me, and I know I shouldn't have said anything.

"Would you like to have a chance? No one's stopping you, you know."

He continues looking at me and I gulp. I purse my lips and look away as he laughs and lights another cigarette.

"That's sort of what I thought. Go to school, son."

I nod at him and start to walk away.

"Sure thing, Dad."