After the mockingjay
I lay in bed, eyes wide awake yet as I search the ceiling, I find nothing; an empty stare. I hear my heart beating, and then I feel Peeta’s warmth against my skin. I try in close my eyes but I know of what will happen. One. ..Two…I count various numbers in my head as I try to drift off. Three….four….mutts. Five….six…hijacking. Seven….eight…that’s when the worst thought comes to mind; Prim and her deathly bombs. I hear a replay of them going off, of my own scream, of my heart stopping immediately. Suddenly I find myself choking on my own breath; I sit up immediately feeling constrained to the small room which keeps sinking in on me. Quickly, I slide out of bed, and run outside, falling through the door to the soft grass against my feet. As I run, farther and farther my breath goes further away and I find myself running only to chase it. Every sound drops except for my breath and the slapping sound of my feet against the ground. It’s all welling up inside me as I crash to the ground, landing on my hands which begin to flow of blood in a near second. Slowly, I breathe making myself calm but I can’t as I clutch my body and begin shivering.
This is a weekly occasion that I can’t help myself to but I know Peeta understands. I feel his comforting hands on my back and my breath slows. He reaches out his hand and I wrap both of mine into his and hold on as tight as I can. My body slides into his arms and I feel the world become reality. “Katniss shhh, it’s okay it’s okay,” he runs his hands soothingly over my cheek which makes me smile inside. Without another word I stand, taking in the woods, knowing I am not trapped and run my hand across a nearby tree. A flashback of the wolf mutts running through the trees sends me back and I recite it in my mind.
My name is Katniss Everdeen. . I am in District 12. I am safe. I was the mockingjay. Prim is dead. But Peeta is here. I am safe…I am safe.
I let go of the tree and immediately the mutts go away. The air rushes through my body and it reminds of when I used to hunt in the woods with Gale. I miss Catnip but I am Katniss. I have taught Peeta to hunt and he has learned to be swift on his feet. We wander deep into the woods, but I never let the memories of Gale that I have disappear I never will let them just like he won’t forget the memories we shared.
Tonight is a particularly hard night though because tomorrow is the day that marks Prim’s death. One year ago exactly. Nearly one year I was holding her in my arms nearly one year ago the people who I loved were still alive. The words one year ring in my head until I force them away. I turn to take Peeta’s hand and it is as though I am a little girl that he swoops me in his arms and carries me to our quaint house. My head is buried in his chest and he gently sets me down on our bed. We lie there while he holds me in his arms rubbing the hair from my face until I break the silence.
“Why isn’t it hard for you, Peeta? Losing the people you love, yet you don’t awake in nightmares like me.”
“Katniss, you know they are nothing compared to you. Take my word when I say my nightmares are about losing you nothing else matters.” His voice is sincere and pure as it reaches my ears. I turn up to him and he presses his lips against mine. The spark I felt on the beach rises in my chest and I close my eyes falling asleep to the thought of him.
