You Condemn Me Now

Summer - July 2,1989

                

I'm awakened early by the smell of hickory wood burning inside the smoke house outside. I hear the calamity of dishes, pots n pans, and running water in the kitchen, and voices of what sounds like Grandma and my aunts.

I'm not going in there...

I turn over and see only Tangy next to me.
Rasheeda must be in the kitchen with the others. She's always eager to be apart of anything that makes her appear "grown up".

My eyelids began to get heavy as I stared at the braided patterns on Tangy's head.
I closed my eyes for what seemed like only a minute. When I opened them, I'm no longer in bed.. but lying on the soft green grass of the grave yard by our church.

I look up and see a head stone that read: Amanda Dela Croix 1847 - 1963...  "Aunt Mandy?" I say aloud.. I remembered she once told me she was 116 years old

"Ise wonderin when you was gon' git hea..." I hear Aunt Mandy's voice behind me.. I turn around and see her sitting on a wooden chair...

"Aunt Mandy!!" I cried in excitement... I haven't actually talked to her in a very long time. I ran to her and hugged her real tight... But how am I able to do this?...

I pulled back from her in confusion, and she read my mind... "You can touch me when you in dis place baby" she explained and I feel anxiety coming on... This place?!... What is this place?!... I think to myself. She sees the panic in my eyes from her response and begins to laugh...

"You ain't dead chile!" She replied and chuckled... "You dreamin baby... N ya dream place you can hug me if ya wont to" she assured me and I'm relieved.

"I'm sorry I don't come over and talk to you anymore.. I kept getting in trouble when I did" I sadly explained

"Dontchu worry bout dat none suga... I know ya love me.. n I love you too!" She warmly replied and reached out and gave me another hug.

"Na... Tell Aunt Mandy whatsa matta" she asked in concernment

"My Grandma's brother Jacky is bad.... He killed Grandpa's brother Uncle David..." I explained but hesitated for a second... "And did bad things to Aunt Gracie..." I continued and began to cry.

"Come hea baby" Aunt Mandy says and pulls me back into an embrace.

I continue between sobs... "I'm afraid he's going to hurt me or someone else!... I don't know what to do!... I wanna tell somebody but they won't believe me!.. They never believe me!" I cry out...  sobbing harder than before.

Aunt Mandy let me cry for a while and continued holding me and rocking me from side to side... "Daats it baby let it on out.. Cryin cleans da spirit!" She says and comforts me.

I finish my long overdo cry and slowly pull back from her.. Sniffling as I go.
She pulled out a handkerchief and began cleaning my face.

"Naahh.... There's dat pretty lil guhl" she warmly said with a smile then folded the handkerchief back up and continued..

"Talk to ya kinfolk as soon as ya can.. They can help ya wit dis Jacky... Ion thank I know dat fella.. He must not be from round hea or else I'd know eem...
I birthed every baby in dis town fa ova 90 yeas.. N I remember every one of em too!"

"He's from Shreveport, Louisiana... Same place as Grandma and Grandpa" I replied

"Ya Granmaw from Shrevepote but cha Grandaddy from right chea.. He was 29 yeas ole when he move down there n met cha Granmaw.. I remember when he brought ha back hea to visit too.. She shole was pretty lil gal.. No older n 15" she said and I'm stunned by the revelation... No wonder Grandpa looks way older than Grandma.

"But she was just a kid!" I exclaimed

"15 was all growed up back in dem times" She explained...

"When did they move here to Rag Town?" I ask as my curiosity takes over.

"I wanna say it was 'round 1945.. Ya grandaddy had not long married ya grammaw n she was pregnant wit dey first chile... He say he didn't wonna raise a family down there.... How come you don't go see ya great granmaw Laura Mae?" She abruptly changes the subject.

I haven't thought about Mama Laura much.. I never get to see her. I haven't asked to see her either...

"I don't know"... Was all I could reply

"Well make sho ya do befoe ya leave hea!" She chastised... "Well you best get goin they callin fo ya"

"Getcho lazy ass up guhl n get dressed!" Aunt Pearl yells snatching the covers off of me, yanking me from my dream.

"We all gotta pitch in and git da park cleaned and cleared fo da reunion" her voice trails as she leaves the room.

I sit up on the side of the bed still groggy, and half asleep. As I awaken fully... I grow annoyed...

I'll be so glad when my mom gets here...