You Condemn Me Now

Summer - July 3, 1989

                 Summer - July 3, 1989

I'm in the backyard playing with Tangy, who seems just as relieved as I am that Rasheeda's time is occupied by our cousins from New Orleans. They're closer to her age, provocatively dressed, and foul mouthed... Rasheeda's favorite kind of kids to be around. Jacky's as well... He interacts with them every chance he gets.

Nevertheless.. Tangy and I are finally able to play in peace. We pretend that the rocks are magic crystals that stave off our enemies. Those enemies being red wasps and horseflies, and most importantly... Mosquitoes! They're as big as flies, and their stings feel as though they're taking actual bites out of you..

In mid play Tangy stops and gives me a hug... "I'm gonna miss you Nessa" she said..

"I'm gonna miss you too... Maybe someday you'll get to visit us in Michigan".. I replied

"I'd like dat.. Uncle Bobby n Auntie Rachael is so nice!" She said and smiled

Her smile began to fade as she forlornly looks away... "I wish my Mama would come n get me too..." She said

I can feel sadness and the sense of abandonment exuding from her. I want to cry.. But I fight back the tears. I grow determined to stop Jacky instead.. This is all HIS fault!

"Someday she will.. You'll see" I said trying to console her..

"Ayye Bobbaay!!!" I Hear Uncle Riley shout from the front yard... I looked at Tangy wide eyed with excitement and ran as fast as I could to the front of the house.

"MOMMA!!" I squealed and ran into her awaiting embrace

"Hey my big girl!.. You look like you've grown a few inches!" Momma replied hugging me, and then studying my face. She held my face in the palms of her hands and gazed into my eyes.. "Looks like you've gained some wisdom as well.." She continued thoughtfully and smiled

I smiled back at her before turning to hug my dad... "Hey Daddy" I said and  gave him a brief hug. My dad isn't mean to me or anything, but he never defends me either. Not like Momma,  and for that, I resent him a little...

"Hey there!!.. Did you have fun with your cousins?" He had the audacity to ask... "Umm NO!" Is what I wanted to reply... But I  knew better...

"Tangy was fun" I replied instead and looked at Tangy and smiled. She's smiling right back but still very sad inside.

"You had mo fun den dat na guhl" Aunt Pearl says with a phony laugh and pats me on the back. I had to fight back the vision of her hand snapping from her wrist as she did. Aunt Pearl  must have felt my rage because she quickly took a step back before  maneuvering past me to hug my dad. "Hey Bobby how was dat long trip?" She asked

"It was pretty good.. It don't seem as long the more you get used to it.." Dad replied

Aunt Pearl nodded her head then looked at my mom and gave her a hug... "Aye Rachael" she dryly spoke

"Pearl" my mom speaks back with an even dryer tone..

"Bobby!.. Datchu out hea tawkin city like?!" Jacky said with his stupid laugh as he stepped down from the porch..

"Heyy Uncle Jacky! It's been a long time! How you been?" My dad replied in excitement to see his Uncle...

"Oh no.. Not you too daddy".... I thought to myself.. "How is it no one can see how fake he is?"

"I been fine... Jes fine" Jacky replied while looking at my mom... "And you must be Rachael... You shole gotchu a pretty wife Bobby..." He said while still eyeing my mom

"Thank you" my mom replied with a slight grin and staring at him coldly without blinking.

She's not amused... Yessss!!

I look behind my parents and see an RV... "Whose is that Daddy? I asked my dad while pointing at it

"Ours for now... We're renting it so we'd have a place to stay while we're here." he said

"Why y'all aint stayin at that bougie hotel over in Brinkley like y'all usually do?" Aunt Pearl snidely inquired with her arms folded and looking at my mom

"We're staying a week this time... And it would be wasteful to drive 30 miles back and forth" my mom replied unaffected by Aunt Pearl's attempt to get under her skin.

I looked at my mom in horror of what I just heard... "A week?.... How come?" I asked and all of the adults except my mom n dad began to fidget in agitation. To them, it is disrespectful for a child to question their parents. No matter the question...

"I want to spend some time with Mama Laura this time around.. Have you visited her while you've been here?" She asked

Before I can answer her Aunt Pearl speaks on my behalf..

"I'm sorry.. I never could get 'round to takin her to see Ms Laura Mae... n you know Mama don't drive n Daddy can't no mo" she explains and it's a lie. She had specifically told me once that I can never go over to Mama Laura's and to stop asking... "I'm tryna get da devil outcho lil ass not hand ya over to him" she'd say...

Aunt Pearl's words seemed to startle Jacky, who's looking at my mom with a shocked expression... "You some kin to Ms. Laura Mae?" He asked

"She's my grandmother.." My mom replied..

Jacky stood there for a moment still  looking at my mom and then at me. He appears a bit nervous...

"Are you alright" my mom eerily asked but gave him a knowing look

He quickly looks from me to my mom... "Yea.. Yeahh heh heh heh... I was just surprised dats all.. I know Ms. Laura Mae.. She a root docta or sumn like dat ain't she?" He asked

My mom smirked before replying "Something like that..." She said

Something tells me this week is not gonna be so bad after all....