The Rejection Diary

Entry 6

Ang bilis ng panahon nu?
Who would have thought that after all my struggles for education that I once thought I'm not gonna make it but I did. I finished with a degree plus a flying colour with it. I have never been proud of myself until that day came. The result of my hardworks and turmoil. The pay for my late night sleeps and no sleep nights. The reward for my perseverance and determination. A diploma and an honor.

The two consecutive heart breaks didn't gave a major impact while I was studying because those were just bad situations that made me chose the right choice for it. Being in a bad situation and having been weak doesn't take you away from doing the right and smart decision for yourself. It's just you alone who can help yourself. Not your friends, your parents nor your professors. Just you.

I realized that I was broken hearted because of wrong choices. You know what I mean? I chose the wrong person to fall in love with. Chose the wrong person to gamble my heart with. And those were bad decisions but it doesn't mean I'm not gonna make a right one.

Nobody, not even my parents knew what had happened to me. They all thought that I had never been in love. Because everyone thought that I was too busy studying and I don't have time for boys, that was partly true in the sense that I was too busy in my academics but I had a time to entertain a boy and that was just short-lived. Nobody knows. My first love thought I was okay with his rejection. Mark never contacted me, maybe he assumes that I didn't know about it. They were all shallow-minded people who doesn't deserve my anxiety for the past years. Though I still have an anxiety but it's all about work and my professional growth.

We are never really okay, we just think that we are and then we feel okay. Like, how can we live these years when we know that we are living in a chaotic and dirty society of ours? Because we don't bother to thought about it? Or we bothered to thought about it but decided that it was okay?
How can a person chose to lie over a hundred of times ?
Because he thinks it's okay.
See.. and I think I'm okay and everything is okay.

Ni minsan walang nagtanong sa akin kung okay lang ba ako. Everyone assumes that I can handle everything, that I can surpass all struggles, that I don't need a hand, that I don't need anyone because I can do it all alone. They all think that I'm good at working alone, that I'm strong and independent. But the truth is, I also need someone to look after me. Someone who'll reprimand me when I'm not eating or not eating on time, someone who'll ask me what my problems are, someone who'll ask me out to chill and have coffee, someone who'll listen to my endless nagging and someone who is genuine to offer her/his shoulder when I needed to cry or when I'm sleepy. We are all vulnerable inside, we just don't let others see it. Because believe it or not, we don't really need others pity what we need is acceptance. Acceptance that we too have a weak spot.

After graduating, some schools offered me a job. At dahil in demand naman daw ako, ay pumili din ako ng eskwelahang pagta trabahoan ko. Lucky for me because I already found a job after graduating, yung ibang batch mates ko kase they are still struggling to find one. Yung iba nga pinapatulan nalang yung trabahong hindi in line sa kursong tinapos nila. Some even accept jobs that has a low wage. The sad reality, is we struggle and spent a lot just to finish a degree yet we find ourselves in a job that is low in wage and is not in line with the course that we took.

After passing the board exam I immediately enrolled myself in a master's degree. Hindi naman sa pagmamadali pero gusto ko kasing mag aral habang kaya ko pa. Natatakot kase ako na dumating ang panahon na tamarin akong mag aral , you know we never know what will happen in the future.

I took my masteral in a university. Dun ko nakilala ang huling nagwasak sa puso ko. Who would expect na school mate ko na naman ang magpapaiyak sa akin di ba. Napapansin ko lang kase lahat sila ay school mates ko, silang tatlo. Grabe.. grabe napaka loyal ko naman talaga sa setting oo grabe oo.

Tinatamad pa akong tapusin ang entry nato at na ha high blood ako habang iniisip ko ang mga pagkakamaling nagawa ko sa buhay. Kung my test siguro sa love life malamang sa malamang zero ang nakuha ko. Niisa walang tamang sagot.

Naha highblood pero inaatok rin,
Mirae