The Rejection Diary

Entry 4

Kailan nga ba akong unang na reject? Syempre sa first love ko. Kase naman lahat ng minamahal ko nirereject ako. Hindi to hugot. This is reality. Yes, it may sound cliche but I'm telling you the truth. I have been brave for a long, long time now and I'm thinking of neglecting the idea or should I say I'll stop my bravery.

I had my first crush when I was still a grade 3 pupil. Yes, judge me na tutal libre naman di ba, ang aga kung lumandi. I already knew I liked him not of his physical aspects or what he is capable of but I liked him because he was funny though he always bullied me but I considered him as my best friend. I kept that as my ultimate secret for years. Until such time that we grow up and we grow away from each other.

High School was the phase where puberty starts to blossom and in his case I think he got hit hard by puberty. He turned into a heartthrob who is in demand of  all age, charming and who can easily shake a girl's heart. Mas lalo syang lumayo. Mas lalo kaming nagkalayo.

Back in our elementary days halos hindi kame magpahiwalay pero nang tumungtong kame ng high school himala kung may isang 'Hi' or 'Uy, kamusta' galing sa kanya. It broke my young heart. But, I was not discouraged. Until, one time at our senior year he was beginning to talk to me like an old chum. We share laughter and smile. Palagi nya akong hinahatid at sundo. And I took those actions as a sign. I gathered my courage, I courageously told him about my adoration towards him. I'm not expecting for a return but I'm half-heartedly expecting for him to accept it, just accept it. But he didn't.

In the middle of my rejection from him I always blink thrice to avoid my tears from coming out from my tear glands. Because at that moment I don't want to look like a major loser infront of my first love. Don't worry self, he is still not ready and he's probably very busy at school and sports.

Lalakad na sana ako palayo ng hinawakan mo ang kamay ko. Akala ko pipigilan mo ako para aluin mo pero mas dinurog mo pa lalo ang puso ko sa balitang nobya mo na ang best friend ko. Bakit di ko to nakita? Why didn't I saw this coming? Palagi mo akong hinahatid pero hindi pala ako talaga ang pakay mo kundi ang best friend kung kapitbahay namin. Kinausap mo ako pero ang mga tanong mo ay halos tungkol sa kanya. All this time, third-wheel lang pala ako sa storya nyong dalawa. Nakakatawa. Isa lang akong casualty sa pagmamahalan nyo. Kung baga accessory.

Pero, see.. hindi ako nagpa apekto..sayo..sa inyo. Habang kayo ay naglalampungan ako naman ay panay ang aral. Kayo ay napupuyat kaka text, ako napupuyat kaka aral. This is the only thing I am good at and kahit eto ay hindi nyo makukuha.

Pinalampas ko ang relasyon ninyo dahil hello, sino ba naman ako di ba? Isang hamak na taga gawa ng assignment mo lamang natanong ko nga, baka pinapagawan mo din yang si Mara ng mga assignments mo? Wala na ngang love life, wala nang best friend. Simula ng naging kayo, nawalan na ng oras ang best friend ko sakin. Wala na din akong paki tutal wala na nga din syang paki di ba.

I graduated as Valedictorian in our batch. Best in Academics and Extra Curricular, if I haven't had an asthma pati mga sports sasalihan ko. Wala akong tinira sa inyo dahil wala din kayong tinira sa akin. I may sound cruel but this is how life goes. You aren't victorious if you aren't on top. My ex first love graduated having only the 7th Honor while my ex best friend from our class first honor down to only the 5th placer. Look what young love made you and look where a broken love took me. It took me on top of you.

Lesson? I used my broken love as an inspiration to do better in school. But, I'm still not happy. Because at the end of those happenings I lost my two most precious friends... then I realized that they too deserved it. So, whatever!!

Pinaasa ng hardcore,
Mirae