i can't love you

3

adore/dannys POV
once i got back on the bus there were alot of queens all gathered looking concerned, i stop in my tracks and look at all their worried faces and quickly push past them all and run into my bathroom and lock the door. i fall to the ground in a fit of tears, i hate knowing that im the reason they are all worried and scared, maybe it would be better for everyone if i just wasnt here anymore. no, danny, you are not going to commit. but i think i should leave the tour. i mean, im not doing anyone any good being here and they are all going to get sick of me sooner or later. i unlock the bathroom door and slowly walk out, no ones there so i take this as an opportunity to quickly throw all my stuff back in the suitcases. i put them next to the door and go out to the living area. all the other queens are gone however the last person i expected was now here. michelle visage. "michelle what are you doing here?" i ask before looking at roy. his face gave it all away, he called her. roy stood up and walked over to me, as he got near me he tried to hug but i pushed him back "how could you" i say quietly as my voice keeps breaking. i run into my room grab the suitcases and head to the door "danny what are you doing?" roy and michelle both ask in unison "it would be better for everyone if i wasnt here" i say through tears "danny no" roy says and i look at him and can see tears forming in his eyes. "danny just let me talk to you- even for just 10 minutes- please" michelle says sounding like my mom. "fine, but roy i dont want you in here" i say, roy looks shocked but quickly goes into our room, i can here faint sobs but alaska and katya must have heard from their room as they both went to check on him and were soon forced out.

"danny..whats going on with you?" michelle asks, michelle has this way of talking where you cant be mad at her and you cant ignore her. she really is like my second mom. "i-i.. i dont know" i say defeated "i just feel like im not good enough, when i had my 'hog body' i stopped eating and thought that when i was thin all my problems would go away- but they havent michelle, they havent, they might have even multiplied. i feel ugly, fat, useless, worthless and unwanted. i smoke and started doing drugs again which makes me feel even worse, i dont know what to do michelle, i just feel like everyone here is sick of me already, especially roy, hes shouted at me twice and hes the last person i wanted to be mad and upset with me" i say before bursting into tears, it felt good to let that all out. michelle and i talked for the next hour and a half, maybe more and she somehow convinced me to stay on tour. once michelle left i decided i needed to apologise to roy.

i go into our room and see roy laid on his bed perfectly happy watching netflix. i knew he didnt really care. "roy?" i ask "yes danny?" he replies "what was with that kiss earlier" i ask not beating around the bush "uhm i dont know, spur of the moment i guess" i just nod and get into my bed "sorry for everything" i say before pulling the covers over my face to hide my tears. part of me hoped that kiss was real, i hoped roy loved me like i love him.