The Idiot

Saturday, January 28, 2023

I don't know how Patrick talked me into going out to brunch with him before he flies out for another six-game road trip.

Honestly, I am excited to have him gone for the upcoming weeks. With him gone, I can have free range. Amanda ignores me, and I, her. Patrick is the only one who actually pays attention. I never had anyone to be a disappointment because of how I act.

Sitting across from him right now was petrifying. He looked at me like he was trying to read my thoughts. I'm sure the events yesterday, and this week, is still playing through his mind. They are still running through mine.

I never saw anyone that pissed when he caught me. I thought my life was going to end and trust me, I know how that feels. I have gotten told that I'm lucky to be alive many, many times.

Neither of us talked all the way through ordering and receiving our food.

I looked down at my plate full of sausage. It looked so good, however, before I could eat one, Patrick began to talk. "Winter, I know that you only have been here a month, but your behavior has been inexcusable."

I opened my mouth to object, but he shook his head as he continued. "I and Amanda knew that we needed to give you and your brothers time to adjust. We allowed this to go on thinking that you'll get over whatever you needed to. Now, I think there need to be rules." I rolled my eyes causing him to say, "I know you don't think that I care about you, but I do."

That's total bull shit! I rolled my eyes again as I took a bit of my food. The sausage was amazing, but the longer I ate, the harder it seemed to become to swallow.

Everything started out so slowly, that I didn't realize anything was happening. I just continued to eat while Patrick gave me more and more rules. "No drinking... no sassing... no sneaking out... curfew at ten..." On and on they went, and I didn't listen to over half of them.

When I ate half of my plateful, my breath started to wheeze like a balloon when you only allow a little bit of air out at a time.

"Winter, are you alright?" At least Patrick can fucking tell something was up.

Knowing exactly what was happening, I got up and ran outside to Patrick's car. I left my EpiPen out there.

Each step I took, my stomach turned. Come on, I am not getting sick out here!

Thankfully, Patrick followed me out and unlocked the car, jumping in, I rammed through my bag until I found it at the bottom.

Every second that passed, it became harder and harder to breath, and the farther from reality I became.

"What's wrong?" he asked kneeling in front of me. There was something on his face I never thought I would ever see. His eyes were wide, and his hands rested on my knee. His voice was full of panic and unsettlement.

"Ha... ha... s... hos..." I managed to force out. I don't know how, but Patrick seemed to pick up what I needed him to do.

Quickly as I could, I messed with the shot before I got ready to stab myself with it.

After all of these years, the idea of giving myself a shot never became easier. However, the feeling of the effects of the shots does help a lot.

The muscles in my throat loosened so that I could relax and somewhat breathe. My dosage is very high, but that is what I need to make it to the hospital.

The entire ride, I rested my head on the headrest with my eyes shut. Even with the shot, my symptoms didn't fully subside. The nausea was prominent. Actually, it was so bad that I threw up about a block away from the hospital.

After that, I closed my eyes again. I don't remember hearing anything. I do remember getting picked up carefully and being carried bridal style.

My eyes opened a little, but the world was too bright around me.

In what felt like seconds, I felt getting laid down onto something hard and stabbed in the arm.

After that, I was brought to the scary land of complete darkness.