The Idiot

Monday, January 9, 2023

When my alarm went off at three-thirty like normal, I felt so much dread that I wanted to just throw up. Today, no matter if I like it or not, I will have to see my senseless brothers.

Pushing that thought out of my mind, I got up and grabbed my skates and sticks like normal after I got dressed. The only thing that I liked about Patrick's, I could do this routine outside. I did it in New York, but not that often. Mom was normally home around this time every morning.

Mindlessly, I went through the motions as I worked on my stick handling until five thirty. Anna wasn't up yet as I stripped out of my skates and returned to my temporary room. The past week I haven't been waking up at my normal time, but I blame the time difference for that, even if it doesn't really make sense. Anyways, I know deep down it has been because of two different reasons.

I quickly took a shower before I got dressed in a pair of white blue fitted jeans and a New York Rangers t-shirt. Jamie sent me this shirt for Christmas. I threw my hair up into a ponytail before I exited my room for the second time.

It was six fifteen when I started to pack up my bookbag. The whole house was completely silent and eerie. I turned on the television to tune out the silence.

Sitting on the couch, I almost felt like I was eight again. Home alone. My brothers are gone doing their own things, and Mom was gone. I hate being FUCKING alone! It makes me paranoid, and I hate that feeling.

Why can't I be out with friends? Why can my brothers? Wyatt gets away with everything he does, but if I break one little rule like forgetting to put away the bed, I get into heaps of trouble. It's not fair! William can't do everything, but he gets to be out of this apartment!

Then I heard something and I was drugged out of my past feelings. "Morning," Anna yawned as she walked in. "You are up early."

"I wake up early," I simply said as I try to relax. My heart pounded through my eardrums.

She shrugged, "I'm going to make breakfast. Is pancakes alright?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I'll pass."

"Okay."

I watched the random show on the television as I heard Anna bang pans out in the kitchen. Part of me wants to get to school, but the other larger one wants to stay here. Here, I can be in my cocoon and sulk. Out there, I have to put on a brave face and act like nothing deep is affecting me.

Anna soon came back and sat down next to me as she ate. "Don't worry, there is more out there if you want them. There are nothing in here that'll harm you."

"Nah." I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."

Between bites, she said, "Okay," but then we went quiet.

Before I knew it, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Anna's car, en route to Jefferson High School. The ride entailed a very comfortable silence.

When we were right outside the school, Anna quickly spoke before I could disappear. "What time will I need to pick you up and where?"

"You see that building," I pointed across the street. "You were there Friday. Be there around five thirty."

"Okay, can you give me your number?" I did, and after that, I climbed out as she started to drive away.

Taking probably twenty steps from where Anna's car used to be, I felt somebody wrap their arms around my waist.

"WINTER!" a voice that belongs to Jamie yelled into my ear.

I turned around in his arms so I was facing him. "What? We saw each other on Friday."