Close as Strangers

Chapter 11

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I pulled on my jeans slowly, getting my cutoff tee I threw it over my head. I finished getting ready, nothing on my mind but Izzy. How I hurt her. I was growing tired on tour, I didn't have the energy that I used to. The fans have even noticed, posting things telling me that they want me to be happy. I try to look happy for them, though I guess I was failing. Ashton, Mike and Calum were always saying "cheer up mate, It'll be okay in the end." I just feel like it's not going to be.

Caitlin walked in the dressing room, knowing that we all finish early and just chill until showtime.

"I'm here! Sorry I'm later then usual."

"Hey babe." Michael walked over and gave her a small kiss, bringing her into his arms for a hug. The rest of us sat in chairs, Ashton making videos for Instagram.

"How is she?" I was trying to refrain from asking for as long as possible.

"She's good." I nodded. I guess that's what is most important, her happiness. The stage crew member walked in telling us it was time to head out onto stage. I got up there, taking a deep breath. Being on stage was the only time I seemed to feel okay. I sang out, playing guitar, with my best mates by my sides.

The show ended and we headed backstage, and I made my way to the tour bus, I headed to the back of the bus, changing into sweatpants and a cutoff. I went to the front of the bus and sat on the couch. I laid down, my feet hanging over the side of the couch. Michael, Ashton, and Calum came on the bus, taking time after the show to sign autographs.

"Luke, some fans want to meet you, come on!" I sighed, and pulled myself up off of the couch, no motivation whatsoever. I walked out of the tour bus, to be greeted by a swarm of fans, I put a fake smile on and took pictures, signed autographs and chatted a bit with the fans. So many of them were crying, and no matter how many times I meet crying fans, it still baffles me that they cry because they met me. I didn't understand what was so special about meeting me, but I'm thankful for all the fans.

Sometime later I was laying in the back of the tour bus, thinking of Izzy and I couldn't breathe. Without her I was nothing and I love her so much. I rolled on my side facing the wall that I'd found myself staring at so many times before, the guy's soft snores in the air. I rolled to my other side, deciding that I wasn't getting any sleep tonight. I slide out of my bunk, slightly groggy, and went to the other side of the bus, I opened the sliding door to see Caitlin standing there watching Criminal Minds.

"Oh, hi Luke!"

"Hey." I shuffled over and sat next to her, starting to watch with her. I felt her eyes on me and I turned my head.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No. Is it okay if I join you?"

"Course!" She smiled and turned back to the tv. We sat watching it for a while, breaking out snacks and blankets. I turned and looked at my phone to see the time, to see it was 3:00 am. I hadn't got much sleep lately, jet lag and my thoughts accounting for the lack of slumber. We sat there watching the seasons on DVD slowly going through from season one.

"Hey Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really think Izzy is the one for you?"

"I know Caitlin, it's not something you think, it's something you just know. Take you and Mike for example, you know he's the one?"

"Yes, no doubt about it."

"See, you don't even have to think about it because you just know."

"I guess you're right." She sighed.

"Why do you want to know?" I questioned, knowing she was hiding something.

"Oh nothing," I cut her off.

"Caitlin." I looked at her, completely serious, trying to get her to answer me." She sighed again in defeat.

"It's just that, Izzy is seeing someone. She claims that she's moving on and she's better. I just, I don't want you to dwell if she's just going to move on like that."

"It's easier for her to move on, she doesn't get completely close to anyone, she's detached and she knows how to move on because things in her life are like tape, it sticks for a bit then it falls away slowly."

"Yeah, I just hate to see you so unhappy, she's my best friend, and I care about you both. She's okay, but you're not and I think you should try to move on."

"I don't wan-"

"You don't want to but you need to Luke." I just nodded. I understood what she meant and I guess I could try, but I already know, none of them will compare to Izzy.