Close as Strangers

Chapter 17

I loved him. I love him. I love him so much. Will was amazing. It was a new love and it is a great one. I smile at the thought of him while my video chat dials.

"Hello?"

"Hi love, how're you?"

"A little sleepy, considering it's 2:00 am here."

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I can call later when its later!"

"No it's fine, don't worry about it. I was missing you anyways." He flashed that Colgate smile at me and my stomach flipped. It was love I knew it was.

"I miss you."

"I do too Izzy. I love you."

"I love you too." I looked at the chat space and wrote "Don't tell anyone this, but I love you so much." He looked at his screen and his green eyes lit up as he bit his lip and looked up at me.

"You're crazy."

"And?"

"I can't be away from you any longer."

"It's hard. We'll make it work though."

"I know... I just really want to see you."

"You do see me, right here."

"No, I want to see you in person, I want to hug you and kiss you and hold your hand whilst walking down the street." My smile was incapable of hiding.

"We're making this work Will. We're okay."

"I know."

"I'll talk to you later, my roommate is going to be back in a bit."

"Okay." He rubbed his hand over his sleepy eyes and yawned.

"I love you so much." I kissed my screen and he laughed.

"I love you too." He smiled at me, his dimple showing up as he looked at me. Then my screen went blank signaling that he had hung up.

~

My lips pressed against the girl's name whom I have already forgotten. I was trying to feel again, I didn't care whether it was pain or fear, I just needed something. I tried drinking in Europe but the US doesn't allow drinking until age twenty-one. I guess this my attempt at moving on. She kissed me intensely and I rolled my eyes. Clearly this girl has no knowledge of the fact that I just met her, and I don't care about her. Can I really say that? I guess I'm just a douche or asshole then. No one else matters but her so why should I act like any does. My friends are annoyed with me lately, making out with random girls and acting like an adrenaline junky. Everyone was so frustrated I couldn't get my act together, but they don't understand what it's like to loose the one person you love. As one can imagine, the tabloids are having a ball with all of this, though they only know some of the story.

The concert was in an hour and the setlist has Amnesia on it. It was the song I wrote about Izzy and it's the first time I'm performing it since the breakup. Nerves came over me as we walked to the stage. Ashton patted my shoulder telling me "cheer up mate, you're gonna kill it." I nodded and continued to the stage.

Calum started singing and I heard the lyrics that were the tale of my pain and misery. The chorus was coming up and I took a deep breath in, the girls in the front row screaming and their camera's flash going off.

"'Cause I'm not fine at all." Michael cut me off, seeing my hesitation.

"I remember the day you told me you were leaving, I remember the makeup running down your face." The only lyrics I could get out before my throat burned and my chin quivered, my eyes stung and angry at myself for letting the tears come over me I turned my head away from the mic, Ashton picking up for me. I thought I was ready for this day but I guess I wasn't.

-

All the fans watched as Luke choked up and turned away from his microphone. I looked at Michael from the side of the stage and he shook his head signaling to me that he wasn't ready like we thought he was to sing. He needs Izzy, it's been months, and he's still not okay, I knew he loved her but I figured he needed to move on. It seems he needs to go back instead.

*

I could tell Luke wasn't able to hold it together, I couldn't see his face from my point on the stage but I leaned close to the mic picking up for Luke. I guess he could just take a break during the song. Damn. I thought it was bad but I had no idea, and I'm sure if Calum lost Maria, or Michael lost Caitlin then they'd be in just as bad shape as he is.

~

The next song carried and I calmed down, keeping my focus on my black sneakers, ignoring the screams and flashes for the rest of the concert.

I laid out on the couch in the dressing room for the concert, waiting for the other act's to finish and the other guys slowly made their way in. Nothing was said, we all were silent and it was tense, I waited to be yelled at by our manager or by the guys, but I heard nothing and I stayed there.

"Can any of you actually picture what I'm going through?" Silence again, everyone stayed in silence, no answers from anyone. I sighed, sitting up, seeing that no one was there but myself. I imagined that they were all there. I picked up my phone, scrolling through the contacts until I found the name that hadn't left my mind in months and I pressed the call button.