Ancient Things We Hold

Chapter 10

An Untangled Mess

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A blessed occurrence transpired when the rabbi was late for a lesson one day after the gentlemen that normally followed him brought news of the King's plan to bestow another tallage upon the Jews in his lands. This was yet another financial burden that they could not withstand, and thus the need to discuss how on earth it was going to be paid that time was immanent. While this in itself was a grave injustice, Hodaya could not help but be secretly pleased that it had caused the rabbi to be late, for it gave her a moment alone with Tobijah.

She felt wicked for thinking it as he appeared in the doorway. He told her the news all the while refusing to step over the threshold. Nonetheless, she could have sworn he was purposefully talking slower so that his words lasted longer, meaning they had a reason to be alone together for just a little bit more.

Even though there was an entire room  between them, Hodaya could not help feel as thought they were behaving in a most sinful manner. On one hand, she wished he would leave to end the discomfort, but at the same time she wanted him to stay so that they could discuss the tallage and rage at the cruelty of it, all without the attentive ears of the rabbi listening.

As she thought this, she had not noticed that he had actually stopped talking about the taxation. In fact, he did not seem to be talking at all. She waited to see what he would say next, but when he continued in silence, she took matters in her own hand and said, "G-d alone knows how we are going to afford this tallage. It is too bad that we do not have the right to appeal against arbitrary use of power. There must be somewhere that treats us as equals. It's quite suffocating, do you not think?"

He smiled at her as she spoke of politics. And, even though she was trying to encourage an open, rather bland conversation  with no other implications, he did not return. Instead, he placed his hands behind his back and said, "Hodaya, please tell me to stop if this make you uncomfortable,  but while my father is not here, I should like to say that I have grown rather fond of you and, well, I should like to know if you feel fond of me." His voice was quick, as though he was hesitant of letting her hear everything in too much clarity.

Almost the second he had finished speaking, she stood up from her chair and said, "Indeed, I do. Thank you,"

Then, for a moment, they stood there staring at one another with foolish grins on their faces. His eyes flickered over to her hair, before they both flushed red and he swiftly turned around and disappeared from her sight. However, just a moment later she heard the floorboards creak again, then saw him rush towards her.

Any breath she had within her disappeared. He took her hand within his and held it tightly. He was touching her- she was truly feeling his bare skin against her own. The exhilaration of the contact after his declaration overpowered the guilt that was simultaneously rushing through both their minds. His touch felt like a dream, perhaps because it was so unbelievable that he had dared to hold onto her hand.

That morning she walked home and tried to remember the feel of his hand on her's. She ran her fingers over her palm in an effort to recall the sensation of the pressure. Unfortunately, everything was all a blur. The only thing she could properly remember of that extraordinary moment was her wishing he would say something- anything. After all, it was his speech that she adored most. Despite this, he remained quiet until he ran out for good that time and did not return, not even for the lesson, for fear that the rabbi would be able to tell that he had touched her hand.

"Tamar!" she called when she finally got home. She had been walking so slowly due to the dreams in her mind. Upon returning home, the life suddenly seemed to return to her, for her voice was loud and her steps quicker. "Tamar!" she called again.