Ancient Things We Hold

Chapter 15

The Unneeded Desires

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Despite the mutual love they sat between Hodaya and her papa, the care he felt for her often came in ways that she resented, but he knew to be for the best.

He did not force her to marry Reb Yoel. After all, the man was old and rather foreboding. Therefore, he decided that, because he still lived, Hodaya still had a means of survival. Nonetheless, he grew older with every breath he took. He had to make sure all his daughters were looked after when he died and, unfortunately, that required marriage.

He grew more desperate to find Hodaya a husband. He loved her so, so much and hence wanted her to be safe when he left. Despite this, he was not a fool. He knew a girl who read and wrote all the time, clambered up trees and daydreamed was not an attractive wife, no matter how kind hearted she was. Nonetheless, he also knew someone would have her due to her youth and devotion.

What made her think she could live on her obsession with religion? What good would pages and pages on paganism and Judaism and polytheism do her? What bread, shelter or warmth would any of this knowledge buy her?

When he thought of how sensible Hadassah was, he could hardly believe that the two girls were sisters. Tamar was deluded as well- that was undeniable- but her delusions would at least lead her to a suitable match (if Hodaya ever married).

The love he held for Hodaya led to him accepting the matchmaker's newest offer. She had found a man; this time he was young at just six and twenty and, while he was not a scholar like she was, he earned money as a milkman. Therefore, he was very poor but could at least support a family. Her papa knew there was no hope in finding her someone who was not poor. A milkman would have to do.

He came from faraway. He was unknown to the village, having only arrived a few years ago after he and many other Jews were evicted from his home.

Just before Hodaya was to go to her lesson for Aldwyn, her papa took her outside so that he could speak to her about it. He hoped she could see sense, for her own well being.

"He knows hardship," said her papa, "So he will be able to support you properly through any difficulties. Hodaya, I am not doing this to be cruel. Do you understand why I want you to marry him? Do you understand that I cannot look after you once I'm dead and you need someone to take care of you,"

"Yes, of course I do. Only, I have been writing and if I could only-"

"-Who would print the work of a Jewish girl?"

"It could be anonymous. I do not want to write about theology for the recognition, but to help educate. Imagine if people could have easier access to knowledge on religions- think of how much more accepting everyone would be! I'll write under a pseudonym- you'll see!"

"It's too risky, Hodaya. Please consider marrying this gentleman. He can look after you when I cannot," he said.

It wasn't just his death he was worried about anymore, but also the fact that he was struggling to support his children even then. He could not pay his share of the tallage, not even monthly. He had missed several payments now in order to purchase flour for bread to eat. Along with many other poor labourers in the village, he had been called up by Lord Daegel to answer for his lack of obedience to his King's commands. He had until autumn.

That was why he needed her to be secure so badly and why her next answer worried him deeply.

"I cannot," she replied. He looked at her pleadingly, as good as if she had just told him that she was planning on starving herself. After all, that was what denying this arrangement would do. Nonetheless, she was not scared of him as she refused, only his disappointment. He would not throw her out of the house as some papas did because he only meant to marry her off in order to save her. Abandoning her would do quite the opposite.