Ancient Things We Hold

Chapter 23

The Coldness

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When they left Elisentev, Hodaya was sorry for only one thing. Everything else had been tainted by blood. Even her childhood home, the old lake she used to play in and the hideaways only she and her siblings could find now smelt of metal. She couldn't bear it. Therefore, she left it gladly. However, when she began to follow Aldwyn and Tamar in leaving, the latter asked if they had everything. Everything, in that case, meant the few rags they called coats and the basket full of food they had managed to devise.

Therefore, as there was so little to leave behind now, Hodaya automatically said yes, yet as they began walking she found her mind contradicting this. After all, they could not take with them the one thing that had not been ruined by all the horror. They could not take the beautiful old tree that had brought her and Aldwyn so much happiness throughout the years.

She had to say goodbye to it. It stood as tall and unchanged as ever, completely blissful amongst the turmoil that surrounded its now frozen branches. She had to understand that she would most likely never see her blessed tree again, even though it was now the only thing she could bring herself to care for in that area. It was the only thing that reminded her of home without the heartache.

So she held onto its twigs for one last time and looked up at its fine stature, even if it was bare and covered in icicles from the frost. "I shall miss only you," she said, before walking away from it for the last time.

***

Arriving in Ealdæ was made a thousand times easier with Aldwyn than it would have been if the sisters went by themselves. As a man with well made clothes, money and a voice that suggested a noble birth, the city gates were opened to him where they might not have been for two penniless Jewesses. He paid the toll on the bridge, then walked in freely with Hodaya and Tamar rushing ahead.

After weeks of living in rowdy public houses and searching for jobs, rooms were found for them and they could begin to build a home. Even though they did not know this on their first day of arrival, Hodaya didn't let herself worry about their present lack of security. Instead, she gathered her skirts in her hands and followed the horizon that brimmed with the sea.

Too weak to run, or even walk any further, she stowed away on the back of a hay carriage. Aldwyn and Tamar were not nearly as desperate as she was, so could not summon the strength for such haste. Therefore, they had to trail behind aimlessly without her as she hurried off.

The first time she saw the sea, she was alone. While the harbour was alive with boats, fishermen, travellers and welders, the beach was abandoned due to the biting cold that had taken it hostage. The wind pulled the waves up from their white frothy surface then, after lifting them to the sky, crashed them back down to the waters in an almighty roar that ruined the staggering cliffs and battered at the pebbles that had previously laid undisturbed upon the dark bronze sand.

Sprays of the sea flew in all directions, filling the air with its salt. When she breathed in the wind, her head became overcome with the wildness of the waves. It made a giddy. It was enough to make her forget the emptiness that resided in both her heart and her stomach.

She admired the waves gliding over the waters. The wintry spares of sunlight that managed to reach the grey sea danced upon it with the droplets that flew away. For a moment, she could have sworn that the sea was reflecting the sky.

The sea must be colder than the sky, Hodaya deduced. Nonetheless, even as she stood there shivering in her many layers of rags, she was unable to prevent herself from rushing towards the sea. She had to taste it for herself and to feel it rushed against her hand, even if it was like ice itself.