Ancient Things We Hold

Chapter 24

The Ruins

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The more Hodaya's stomach swelled, the more kindness she experienced from everybody she encountered. However, all the kindness in the world could not have made her feel any better about the situation. Sometimes she felt it kick against her and she would smile without even thinking. She wanted to rush up and say, "Look here. Tamar! Aldwyn! The baby's moving all about," but then she remembered that the livelier it became, the closer it came to being in that world.

Being with child was uncomfortable at best, but often painful. Her feet were sore and her entire body aching with the nausea that pulsated in the back of her throat. Sleep was unknown to her now. None of this was made better by the way in which she dreaded the coming of her child. It rendered the pain useless, after all.

It was constant. She hated feeling so useless all the time because of it. She earned money in work for as hard as she could for as long as she could, but in the last couple of months she could barely even perform household tasks efficiently without losing all her breath. At first, she worried because she was growing so much bigger than what she'd expected, but several of her neighbours who had already been pregnant before assure her it was because it was her first time. However, that didn't help the searing ache she always had because of it.

Most of her life was just reading and writing which, while pleasant, filled her with guilt as she watched the other two work themselves to the bone trying to make up the money she was no longer earning.

It wasn't just physically tiring. Her mind seemed unable to be controlled anymore. Any time the pregnancy acted as a hindrance- most likely because she was not able to do even the simplest of things- she would feel so utterly pathetic in herself. Through all of this, she was careful to not take it out on others, meaning she spent much of her time locked away alone in the hope that she could avoid being unnecessarily cruel to anyone.

In particular she avoided Aldwyn, for he was so sensitive to her capriciousness. She had already hurt him so much by her coldness. There needn't be anymore upset on his part. However, he was so desperate to make her happy again that she often found herself exasperated by his disposition.

Despite this, there were moments when she looked down at the swelling and felt such a strange sensation that couldn't be explained. For just a second, her mind could become calm amongst the strife she was experiencing. It warmed her heart somewhat, opening her eyes to a certain goodness of what was happening to her.

Unfortunately, they were few and far between.

At the beginning of summer, she was bothered by the sun's power. By walking along the sea, she was greatly soothed for the winds were always strongest above the waters. Therefore, while the city was sprawling in sweat and heat, she was freed by the cold water washing at her feet and the breeze passing through her.

Sometimes she wished the sand would go on forever and she could follow it on and on. Eventually, though, she would always reach the thriving port, filled with its sounds and noises, causing her to loop back into the city. She hated arriving at the port as the fish was so pungent and harsh against her nose, so she was always rather keen to pass it. She swore it was never that horrid before she became with child.

Every time she made those walks, she passed a little building with even stone walls and a roof which was not thatched like those ones around it. Despite its respectable structure, the colour was faded, as were the letters upon the door. It was a printers and she thought about going in every time she saw it.