Start Over

Chapter 2

She felt herself beginning to hurt all over again. These past two weeks she kept telling herself she wanted to forget him. She kept telling herself she wanted to get away as far as possible to a place where she never had to see him again. But that wasn't what she really wanted. She wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him almost as much as she wanted to slap him for ever hurting her. She wanted to cuddle into his arms every night almost as much as she wanted to call him all the worst things that came to her head. She was stuck, not knowing what to do with the feelings that continued to overwhelm her.

Since the beginning of the school year, all she has been feeling was anger towards him and pity towards herself for not noticing what was going on. All she had been feeling was anger and pity towards everyone. Its been 3 months since it all went down and it was still having a huge effect on her, more than she ever wanted it to.

3 months since that dreadful night full of terror. She remembers the blood and yelling and loud smash's. Leo smelled as if he had bathed in alcohol and weed. It took over all his sense that night. Maybe if she had gotten to him on time none of it would have ever happened.

She sat in her English class, her attention directed to the trees outside that swayed from side to side because of the wind, tapping her pencil loudly against her desk. Her chin was resting on her palm as her head was in the direction of the window next to her. She sat in the far corner of her classroom where the windows were. This was her regular seat. In fact, in all her classroom courses, she always sat next to the window at the very back.

Being one of the very few black girls at her school, she seemed to barely get attention from the boys here. Although, the boys were left drooling, they never seemed interested in her beyond just having sex. This attraction they had for her was never reciprocated, after all, she never had eyes for anyone except Leonardo.

Even though Leonardo hurt her so much, she couldn't find herself hating him. The love they had was overlooked by everyone else. They stayed out of the drama and they weren't the type of couples that wanted people to be talking about them; like the golden boy and his girlfriend. They chose to have a relationship for themselves and not the public. They both wanted a real, loving, pure relationship. And that's exactly what it was.

They were each other's everything for the longest while. They were together for almost two years. They knew everything about each other. He was there for her through everything. She was the one to always steer him on the right path. They were so much more to each other than just lovers.

She stopped her pen tapping when she felt someone poke the back of her shoulder. She let the pencil drop onto her notebook as she turned around to face Nate. She felt herself roll her eyes before turning back around, now facing a board full of notes for her to copy down and questions on the other side of it as homework.

She started writing down the date before there was another tap on her shoulder. She continued to write down the notes neatly, ignoring him again. Just as she thought he had given up, he touched her shoulder again, this time making her draw a line across the page. Her fingers curled tightly around her pencil before dropping it. Her head whipped around, facing him again.

"What the hell do you want?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"Hey, Al. How you doing?" he asked, sounding rather sarcastic. "Good? Great. Anyways, what's your problem?"

She huffed annoyed and turned right back around. She continued with her notes, not once turning around to look at him as he sat back in his chair annoyed. He rolled his eyes. He was never going to be able to talk to her if she kept hiding. She was hiding from everyone who cared for her and that wasn't making anything better but worse.

He leans over his desk, getting closer to her. "I've been trying to talk to you for months and you always seem to run away from me. So, I wanna know, what's your problem?" he said, his lips near her ears so she'd have to listen. She instantly turned around, her long, curly hair whipping him in the face.

She shot her eyebrows up, becoming annoyed and confused. "My problem? Look, Nate, I don't have time for this bullshit. We haven't spoken in almost 3 months and now you want to start up a conversation in the middle of class? Please." She turns back around but not before giving him a look, telling him she was done with this conversation.

What's my problem, she mumbled to herself. She erased the line in the middle of her page before continuing with her notes. The tapping resumed in less than two minutes later. She didn't turn around this time.

Her relationship with the boys was something she didn't want to get back into. Not only was she having mixed feelings for Leonardo again, but she had to deal with them too? They had chosen a liar over her and she doesn't think she can get over that right now. Nate should know that their relationship was a little bitter since it all went down. Phone calls where declined and text messages were ignored. Nothing was the same as before.

Just as she had finished with the notes and questions, the bell had rung. Almost instantly, everyone was packing up their things and heading for their next class. Alexandra put all her books in her bag before throwing it over her shoulder to leave. Her heels were heard throughout the class as she made her way out the door. She made her way done the hallway to her next class, History. Before she could make a turn towards the class, a hand took a hold of her arm and spun her around. She felt confused until she met eyes with the culprit. She breathed deeply. She was becoming more annoyed than before.

"Look, Al, I know we haven't spoken but you can't blame me," he said, his hold on her arm still there. They were close together, making sure the conversation was only between them and not the whole school. She stared at him, her eyebrows knitting together angrily.

"So, it's my fault that your best friend beat the living crap out Jones? It's my fault that you stopped talking to me and completely blew me off when my relationship with Leonardo went to shit? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" She asked bitterly. She couldn't believe that he even thought it was remotely her fault.

"That's not what I meant at all and you know that," he spoke softly and hurt. He wasn't to blame for the loss of their friendship. "You were the one who isolated yourself from me and Benji. You lost contact with us, not the other way around. You never once responded to my calls and text, not once. Al, Benji and I saw you were in pain every day, just as much as Leo did." He felt sad and angry all over again.

"Did you think that Benji and I just forgave Leo like that? We didn't talk to him for a whole month, until-" He stopped himself mid-sentence, not wanting to say more. "Al, we were really close before all this. Why did we have to stop?"

From the outsider point of view, this would seem like something else but it wasn't. While Alexandra was with Leonardo, she became super close to Benji and Nate, especially Nate. They were there for each other all the time. There was no doubt in their minds that they had a sibling kind of love. And no one was able to touch that, until now.

Alexandra found herself staring deep into his eyes, trying to find out if all that he was saying was bullshit or if what he said was so Leonardo would have some kind of way of entering into her life again. She stared and stared and found nothing but total honesty and guilt. She was now lost in thought, not being able to form any words to respond to his confession.

She wasn't mad at him for anything. She wasn't holding a grudge against him or Benji for continuing their relationship with Leo. But, to her, she thought they had picked him over her. She thought they had chosen him. She felt as if they had chosen their relationship with him over the relationship they had created with her. Her heart broke slightly as she realized she was wrong and she had hurt them.

"I gotta get to class," was all she said though, before removing herself from his hold and continuing to her journey towards her next class. She disappeared shortly after and he was left to rethink where the group's relationship stood from this point off.