im trying
i need you to know that
before you walk away
im trying to smile for you
im trying to act happier for you
im trying to fake happiness
until my smiles give out
until my heart falls,
to the bottom of my chest
im failing
i need you to know that
before you walk away
im failing to recover for you
im failing to stay clean for you
im failing to quit addictions for you
you say i can quit as if it's an easy thing
but i can't quit
not until my teeth rot out of my mouth
and fall into my vomit
not until my mouth burns with cancer
and scars
not until my veins burst open once again
addictions are sick
and i'm failing to quit
i love you
i need you to know that before you walk away
i know it's too late
i see your footprint tracks
leading to the farthest place away from me
leading to someone much better than me
someone much less broken than me
and there i stood
whispering to myself
about what i should've told you
before you walked away
.
