one night stand | baylor (completed)

please don't leave me

I paced the room as tears fell down my face. Every once and a while I find myself having a panic attack over something. Sometimes it's when I think about the past and those voices in my head just telling me to kill myself all the time. Sometimes it's because I think of Fergal and Mercades being together and it breaks my heart.

This time...this time it's different. I think I still have feelings for Fergal. But I still love Rami with all of my heart. I'm just so damn confused on how I feel about everything.

"Pam? Baby, I'm home!"

Rami called as I fell to my knees hyperventilating. I just couldn't breathe or even think straight.

"Pam? What's wrong?"

Rami asked me as he came into the room. When I started wheezing, he knew exactly what was happening.

"Shhh, calm down. What's wrong this time? Why are you having a panic attack?"

Rami asked as he knelt down in front of me.

"Fergal."

Was all I could choke out.

"Shh, it's okay. I promise."

Rami said as he hugged me. After I called down a bit, he started questioning me again.

"What was that one about? You know you can tell me if anything is bothering you."

"Rami...I don't think I can."

I said as more tears fell down my cheeks.

"Of course you can. Just tell me and I won't be upset."

Rami said.

"I...I think I still have feelings for Fergal."

I said. Rami stayed silent for a good 30 second before he stood up.

"Where are you going?"

I asked him.

"Out."

Rami said as he grabbed his suitcase and slammed the front door behind him. I sat down on the couch as I started sobbing. I haven't felt this pain in my heart since Fergal hurt me. And once again the voices are back in my head.

If I don't have Rami and Fergal doesn't love me...then who does love me? Cause it's clear as day that Fergal loves Mercades more then he ever loved me.

I walked upstairs and found a razor blade in the bathroom. I made four deep cuts along my arm and just sat there and watched them bleed. But after a little while...everything just went black.