The Dance Part 2

Chapter 271 The Truth Revealed

Bam picked up Lila's bag and took her hand as they walked back to Browntown. It had been quite awhile since she had set foot on the old homestead. Everything looked as they had left it. He told her, "I've been staying in the trapper shack since I got here."

"It's so quiet here now. Still...like I've never heard it so." Lila smiled at her familiar surroundings. Bear's tree house. Matt's unconventional tire house and then she caught sight of their home.

"I haven't been in it. It didn't feel right going in without you." Bam sat her bag down and walked her up the stairs to the front door. He opened it slowly for her but before she could step in, he stopped her. "Let me check it out first. Just in case any bears got in."

Lila nodded as Bam eased his way in, going room to room and making sure it was safe.
He found the house just as they had left it, just a little dustier. She followed him in as he gave her an all clear sign. She wrapped her arms around his waist with her head resting on his back. "It's good to be home."

Bam suggested that she stay in the mainhouse as he had cleaned it up from Bear's last visit with his hunting tour. They walked the distance from their old home to Ami and Billy's cabin. Not much had changed except for the more masculine decor to make it feel more lodge like for the hunters who paid to get a real taste of hunting in Alaska.

"Hungry?" He asked.

She nodded. "I'm starving."

She made herself at home at the old dining room table that Billy had made. She remembered many a family dinner at that table. Joshua looked comfortable in the kitchen as he scooped her out a healthy ladle of the stew he had made the day before. He brought two plates to the table. "I wasn't expecting company. I didn't bring much food."

"Company? Is that what I am?" She looked sadly at him.

"No, baby, that's not what I meant. I just meant I didn't expect you to come here. Did Matt tell you where I was?"

"Joshua, I knew where you were. No one had to tell me anything." She took a bite of her stew.

Bam fiddled with his fork dragging it through his stew finally resting it on the edge of his plate. Lila watched him as he ran his hands over the top of his head. It was a nervous habit he had developed over the years if he had something important to say.
She tried to make it easier for him by asking him what weighed so heavily on his mind.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you alone but I knew you were in good hands with Matt and Jill."

"It wasn't them that I needed." Lila stopped eating and slid her plate to the side. She reached across the table and held his hands.

"I didn't protect you. I couldn't stop what happened to you." He pulled his hands back from hers clenching them into fists as they slammed against the table.

The sound of his fists against the wood made Lila jump slightly. She could see his emotions were still raw. She knew he would blame himself for what happened to her no matter how many times she tried to reassure him that it was a series of uncontrollable events that no one saw coming.

"Joshua, it's over. I've let it go and you need to let it go as well. It was three days out of our entire life. A blip on the radar of our story. Nothing more."

"But what he did to you....and you let him." The ugly truth now revealed itself to Lila and as soon as Bam had said the words aloud, he couldn't take them back. It was the reason he left. He wanted to work through those horrible thoughts and images he held in his mind. Now, they just spilled out in raw, truthful and unbridled emotions.

"So that's it." She sighed heavily and chose her next words carefully. "Would you rather I died?"

Bam whipped around his hair flying across his face. "No!" He yelled back at her. "I would have rather I died."

She stood silently staring back at him fighting the tears while watching him struggle to get the words out. "I would have rather I died a thousand deaths than to know you felt you had to do that."

Lila choked out her next words. "I would have done anything to get back to you. To get back to our children."

"This is why I didn't want anyone to come here. I can't help the way I feel right now. I know it's wrong. I wanted the time away to get rid of these feelings."

Bam wasn't good with the heavy lifting of feelings. Most of the time, he kept his emotions in check but when it came to her, he couldn't control his passion for her. She could see right through the walls he tried to put up. She wasn't going to let him build that wall today. She was going to tear every brick down, one by one, until she reached the foundation. If they were to move forward, he would have to listen to her recall the events of that day, every ugly moment of them.

She made him sit down again across the table from her as she began to speak. Her hands were folded in front of her and rested on the table. "I need for you to listen to what happened to me. If you have questions, I will answer them. If you want all the graphic details, I will share them with you, but once we finish this conversation, Joshua, we will never speak of it again."

Bam attempted to say speak but she stopped him and started to tell him her story. "He surprised me in the cabin when I went to feed Gypsy. I never heard him come in......"