Chapter 276 Your Body

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Author's Note: I am in love with the song at the end of the chapter. I searched for hours after hearing this on satellite radio.

Lila was fairly quiet as she walked the kids to school with Jill and her boys. It was their usual morning ritual after Matt and Bam headed to the mill. Jill had picked up on the subtle change in Lila's demeanor. After the kids were in the school building, Jill suggested a short walk along the beach hoping Lila would share what was on her mind.

"You seem off today. Are you feeling okay?" Lila looked out towards the water trying to appear as normal as one could be under the circumstances. Jill watched her nod her head in silence. Again, she sensed something wasn't right. Jill reached out and put a hand on Lila's shoulder. Lila flinched at the touch.

"Lila, are you sure everything is alright with you and Bam?"

Lila turned to face Jill. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks.

"Lila, why are you crying?" Jill took Lila's face in her hand and wiped away her tears with her thumbs.

"I'm....I'm pregnant." Lila blurted out the words in between sobs.

"That's wonderful news. A new baby. Are you worried that it is too soon after Gypsy?"

Lila shook her head from side to side indicating no.

Jill was confused at her reaction. She knew both Bam and Lila loved their children and would welcome a new addition just as they had Gypsy. "What is with all the tears? Bam will be thrilled to learn you are expecting."

"No! He can't know. Not yet." Lila sobbed through her words. "I don't know if Bam is the father."

The words cut through Jill as she suddenly realized what Lila meant. She whispered, "Nato."

Lila's eyes met Jill's eyes and she didn't have to answer the question. Jill wrapped her arms around Lila and hugged her tightly as she stroked her hair. "We will figure this out. Don't worry. You have me to help carry this burden. Does anyone else know?"

"Not a soul and it needs to stay that way for now."

Jill realized that they didn't have much time considering two months had flown by since "the incident." For the most part, everyone including Jill thought this chapter of their lives was closed. Matt's stress had dissipated over the weeks from having to kill Nato and she hadn't given much thought to the notion that a child may have been conceived. Just as everything was returning to normal, now something even more foreboding lingered.

"We need to go to Juneau and soon. I'll get Ami to keep the kids this week. I'll call the clinic when we get home and arrange for you to be seen by the doctor."

The usually strong Lila seemed so fragile now. Jill's heart ached for her for she knew how incredibly difficult this decision was going to be. "Let's not put the cart before the horse. We don't know anything definitive. Just try to put on a happy face this week. Your husband can read you like a book so there is no need to worry him too."

"I can't face him, Jill. I could never say those words to him. It would kill him.....and me right along with him."

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Lila sat at the dresser brushing out her hair as her husband came up behind her. His head dipped to her neck and she felt his lips sweep across the back of her.

"I've missed you." He stared at their reflection in the mirror. "You seem tired."

"Three kids must be catching up with me." Lila told a tiny white lie.

"I'm just glad to be off that boat tonight and away from Matt. You make a far better nighttime companion. I can't exactly snuggle up to him."

His hands caressed her shoulders. They felt rougher than usual as he had been putting in extra hours at the mill to compensate for the loss of Matt's carpenter. He had been absent a great deal due to the increased lumber and shipping demands. She had missed him also. She missed the feel of his arms around her always making her feel at home. He had always been her port in a storm and tonight she felt as if a hurricane raged through her mind. Lila could sense that he wanted to make love to her and she would never deny him that pleasure. She wanted nothing more than to erase the realization of her situation, to get lost in the moment, forgetting everything that had happened over the past few days.

She didn't need much encouragement to draw her to their bed. His long curly hair fell over his chest as he removed his shirt. He was like finely chiseled stone. His work had only made his muscles more defined. His hands gently pushed the straps of her nightgown down her shoulders revealing all of her.

"You still take my breath away, woman."

She loved him for saying that, for never criticizing what childbirth had done to her body. His hands moved over her slowly as if he needed to remember ever curve and crevice of her. She felt as if he was seeing her all over for the first time. Tonight, she wanted to forget. She didn't want to think anymore about anything. Tonight was about him and she made it perfectly clear what she wanted as he kissed his way up her stomach. He pulled her onto the bed with him. She watched as his eyes met hers. "Make love to me," she whispered as she closed her eyes and let herself get lost with him. The only sounds she could hear now was his voice as if the storm had stilled inside her mind if only for tonight.

Plain White T's-Your Body

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