Thunderstorms at 2 AM

WEAPONS

WEAPONS

I know almost every detail; every flaw and every strength that combined creates you. How you've gone through two 'To Kill a King' bandshirts and blamed the moths instead of outwearing them to the extend of unrepairable holes. Or how you secretly smoke and when someone sees you, you tell them you don't smoke but then proceed to anyway. How you always wanted to please people so much it nearly destroyed you. How you always wanted to please me in so many different ways and on so many different levels.You were perfect and maybe your perfect blinded me. Blinded me so badly I had to leave.

I never thought breaking contact with you would push down a hole of isolation were the only vivid thing was the sun, but even that didn't please you like it use to. I didn't think you would build up walls for you to coward behind them because damn you are fucking perfect. I thought the will to please everyone would be strong enough if I left, but the strain to please everyone seemed to snap the moment I took foot out of your life. 

I want to drown you with my chatter again and have you trapped in my familiar and cherished arms. I want you to create headaches in my head with your endless joke collection. I want you to set free the butterflies in my stomach and let the eruption make my stomach sick. I want to tell you all my problems and have you rub the back of your neck as you overload me with shy and sincere compliments. After that I'll watch the blood rush across your face as you shy away from reality. I want to ring you up and say I'm sorry for all the thunderstorms I've inflicted in your paradise but your voice is a weapon and if I hear it I'll break down and plead you back and let the cycle repeat.

Tell your mother I'm sorry for destroying her favourite son, and your brother because I knew he never thought I was good enough for you and as much as it stings it's true - I never levelled up to you. I never mastered the pleasing like you did, all I mastered was short temper. 

 Some people aren't worth pleasing for - please remember that. Because I clearly wasn't.