Thunderstorms at 2 AM

OBLIVION

//inspired by oblivion by the lovely bastille// 

OBLIVION

You are my star. My star that is surrounded by thousands of other stars, but my eyes are only on you. I love you, only you because of how real you are. I love how surprised you are when something brilliant happens because you're such a pessimist with low expectations and ironically high standards for yourself. But it falters because you return back to your reality. I love how you seek escapism when people sing happy birthday to you, but you always return from your escapism. I love how when you look at your past you become taciturn but always return from that with a massive smile towards me and kiss my cheek.

I can feel you slipping away further every day and I have to apprise myself that you will return. It's almost like a mantra 'he will return, he will return'. But fucking hell - I don't know how long I can still hold onto this. Every day I see you and I can tell by your eyes that you're in pain. Not the physical pain, but the pain that gradually builds up without a notice and when it does finally catch your attention, you lose faith because you're not ready to fight this pain. The pain will leave, but it only will if you do something about it. But you refuse to - hate - repulse admitting to a flaw in public. It's not a flaw, but a tiny fault and faults can be fixed and when I tell you that, you get mad at me and we fight - we fight over your goddamn well-being.

Every day when you slip away I'm left to conjecture if you will return back. Why do you seek oblivion so much? You always take it further than I ever can. I try to understand - I try! But you never let me. I try to follow you there - the reasons why you do what you do. I can't understand why you destruct yourself. Am I not good enough? Are my words not good enough to help you out?

I'm scared. I fear that one day you will it further. Much further. To the point of no return. You're my oxygen - I can't live without you. You are the star I chose from a universe of stars. I can promise you I will never regret choosing you over the other stars.

I refuse to let go of my star.