I keep going over what zoe said to me in text. It makes me feel better.
But then I think...she's just saying that. She doesn't really care. She.....she....she probably doesn't even care. I can't stop thinking about how she might have just 'said' those things. And it hurts. And it won't leave my mind. I can't think of anything else BUT that. Maybe I should ask her. I......I don't know. I don't know if I should ask her or not...
10 minutes pass. And then the feeling of Zoe not really even caring and just saying all that stuff becomes even stronger. I want to cry. I feel so alone. Because she said she loved me. And not to ever try to kill my self again. But then I think, no, she doesn't care. She's just glad I'm in her life because...I make her feel better...that I'm always the one there for her. And then that when it started to literally hurt. I wanted to sob. I was upstairs, my parents are asleep, they won't hear. They won't know. They don't know or need to know I've attempted. Then I felt the burn in my throat. The tears were coming.
The thought of Zoe saying all those things to me, it kept me going. It really did. And then just thinking...that those were all lies. And then I thought of when she said:
Your my little sister. I love you more then anything and if anything ever happened to you idk what I would do.
Just thinking of that, it kinda lowered my thoughts of what she said being all lies. But then, I just imagined her just picking up the phone, typing some fake speech to help me feel good and like I'm worth something so I will shut up. And I literally poored my heart out to her....
So if I do start cutting again, if I really want to die, will she care? Or nahh...I love Zoe and no matter how hard I try I can never un-love her. But...I'm just a worthless 12 year old in her life. What does she even care?
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Help me be happy again
Teen FictionI self harm. I cut. My life is a mess. I'm never perfect enough. I'm never good enough. NEVER. And no one loves me. I had a best friend once. We were so close. I told her all of my secrets. She up and left me. And it's sad ya know? Walking by someo...
