Help me be happy again

Chapter 8

I got my phone stollen for the second flipping time in the same place. I only had the phone for 3 months. I hate myself I'm so stupid and irresponsible...geeze I just hate everything about myself....

I have my iPad and I've texted Zoe once and that was like 29 hours ago. I wasn't counting I'm just good with mental math. But she hasn't even read it and it's delivered and everyone else I've texted on my iPad has replied....why not her? That's not like her...I've texted her just fine on my iPad before when my other phone got stollen...yeah. This is my second phone. I hate myself.

My friend Maddy I was with for a few days has her phone and I wanted to tell Zoe not to text me that my phone got stollen. But Maddy wouldn't let me! So when she was on her iPod I snook her phone and got on it and texted Zoe. I made it sound like Maddy and that only made her more upset.

Their convo:

Me: hey don't bother txing Savannah she got her phone stollen at the rink today.

Zoe: really?!

Maddy: yeah. Even after I told her not to do it.

Zoe: what did she do -__-

Maddy: she laid her phone down where you usually lay it on the rink and left it. I told her to lock it up but she said it wouldn't get stollen.

Zoe: wooooooooow

Maddy: yeah. (And something else rude about me I'm sure but I don't remember)

Zoe: awe haha poor kid.

OMG I just hate myself and I know I'm not gonna get another phone and I'm getting teased about it and this has only made me more depressed.

Last night she slept over at my house and last night I went in my room to be alone. I got really depressed and was on the verge of tears. Maddy asked what was wrong and I told her. I don't even know why I did.....I feel so stupid. I told her I was really depressed and wanted to die. She said no I'll miss you! Zoe will miss you. That made me smile..but I still felt sad.

The next morning we were laying in bed and she goes "okay I don't like Zoe anymore." And that perked me up and I'm like "why?!" And she's like "she didn't tag me in a picture." This was on insta. That's stupid and pathetic right?!

Maddy: she tagged Mattie and Ashlynn! (We all hate them) and she didn't tag me! OMG she's like I love my family more then anything.

Me: I'm sure she just forgot. I do that sometimes.

That doesn't give you the right to not like someone anymore..... And she always says I'm obsessed with Zoe and it makes me so mad I swear.

Maddy: OMG savannah you are obsessed with Zoe!

Maddy: OMG you are so obsessed.

Me: wtf that's not how it is.

Maddy. She's even in your dreams. That's creepy. That means your obsessed.

Me: OMG I can't control what I dream....

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When I don't tx Zoe or if I'm super worried about her she appears in my dreams. It's not my fault. It's my self conscious telling me something but I don't know what. That they are leaving my life but not my heart?? If that happens I'll fall apart.....or that they're super close to me and we will always be close??? I just don't know.

I asked Maddy if she saved text that meant a lot to her. She said:

Her: no that's weird.

Me: oh...well I do.

Her: they're from Zoe right hmm?

Me: yes....she told me how special I was to her.

Her: wow. (In a rude way)

She spat Zoe's name like poison....what did Zoe ever do to Maddy??! Oh yeah. That's nothing. Maddy talked crap about Zoe to me. About how Zoe never cared. I told Zoe and she goes

Wtf no that's a lie because I do care.

And that made me so happy I swear.

But the thing is.....she cries when her bf goes through a hard time. His family members were dying.

I told her that I cut and that I've attempted suicide.

She says: that makes me sad.

I open up to her and she tells me how great I am and not to cut but....when I cut that's all I can focus on. Not my sadness.......