Help me be happy again

Chapter 6

This morning Zoë left for Virginia.

I miss her. She said she would text me when she landed.

It was only a 2 1/2 - 3 hour flight. I wanna text her, ask how her flight was, if there was any turbulence, if her head was fine, because when she borded it started to pound.

Now its a quarter after 6:00pm.

If she slept the whole way or made conversation with the people on the plane.

But....I'm afraid to. The fact that I'm not texting her probably makes her happy. She tells me how much I mean to her. And what I've heard scares me.

The ones that were the most close to you, the ones you loved, are the ones that hurt you.

The ones that said they would always said they would be there for you. Then they leave you.

I don't want Zoë to leave me. But deep down...I know that she will.

She says I'm her baby sister. I wish that was true.

But....I don't think she pity's me. I've never told her how much I cut, and how addicting it is. I want to, I wanna see how much she cares. So...she thinks I'm just silent sometimes and doesn't wanna talk. She doesn't know what's going on.

She doesn't know I'm breaking inside.

She doesn't know how much I cut.

She doesn't know I'm crying and screaming inside.

I've told her I've attempted suicide. She said to never do it again. 'Cuz she couldn't handle life without me.

I want to tell her what she said that Friday kept me going. It really did.

But the next day I was right back where I was.

A few weeks ago I saw Zoe at the skating rink I was so happy to see her I hadn't. seen her in a few weeks

I walk up to her. We had plan to see each other.

"I'm leaving."

Those words....I literally felt something break inside. I think she saw it in my eyes. Because....she just stared at me. I pray she didn't see it. I'm surprised a tear didn't come. She's the kind of person you always wanna be around. She's funny kind and caring. She could make you laugh even if you just broke your arm and you are being hauled away on a stretcher.

I tried not to sound hurt. Like it didn't bother me.

"Oh. How come?"

"My friends wanna go to lunch."

"Oh."

We continued to talk for the next 10 minutes. I made her upset. Because I was telling Tori about Zoe. She's the girl who brings me to skate practice when my mom can't. And she takes me other places.

The sentence, "she's the girl that got hung over I told you about" slipped out. If I could id take it back.

"Savannah that's not something you tell people."

"Well I didn't tell my mom! She guessed."

"This isn't about your mom."

I'm sorry......I'm so sorry...please forgive me. Please. Please. Please. Please. I knew I annoyed her. No more then annoyed her. I pissed her off.

"Bye Savannah." She said in a sing song voice.

"Bye Zoe." I was about to cry. Haven't seen the girl in weeks almost a month and the ten minutes I spent with her...I ticked her off.