Help me be happy again

Chapter 5

I was texting my friend. Zoe really. But...I felt so alone. Like no one cares. So...I cut. I couldn't help it. I don't feel like anyone cares.

Yesterday I got a concussion. I wish it killed me. It would have been over, quickly. No pain. But....I'm still here. Why? No one cares. Only my parents

Okay, the rest of my story will mainly be fiction. And some of it parts of my life. Because in my life nothing is really going on so...ya.

I mainly can't take it anymore. I need to get a rubber band and slap it on my wrist. Or I am going to cut. I need to go and find one. Nowwwww........

Zoe......she sometimes reads my text, but....won't reply. I honestly hate how I'm stuck between I want to talk to you so much, you have no idea, but....I really don't want to annoy you.

Because then....will she not care even more?

I want to tell her everything. When I cut, why I cut, but I'm afraid, she'll pretend like she cares. But really..she won't. She's just...JUST SAYING THINGS.

And it hurts. Because I want her to care. But....what's the point of telling people how you feel and poring your heart out to them...but they don't care or even listen to you?!

To feel so alone..and empty and sad. And want to hurt yourself. To be in the darkness and you don't know any way out.

People, they're strange creatures. They pretend that care. Act like you can trust them.

And you open up to them. They say "oh it's okay if your awkward and weird. Because I am too."

And then, they leave you. After they say they will always be there for you.

My best friend said: "ya know what savannah, I'm not always gonna be there for you!"

She got ticked off because people started hating on Zoe and I was trying to defend her...and.....I went to her for help! Because it was all my fault and I wanted to speak up, tell everyone how great Zoe really was...and I was told to shut up.

I care too much for people. And I got hurt.

My best friend told me she wasn't always gonna be there for me...

After I tell her I would always be there for her! I care for everyone and I care too much.

I've cared to much with this girl named Ashlynn. We weren't even friends for a year. And we became so close. She was only a year older then me. I cared so much for her. She called me her little sister. Not even a year later, she back stabbed me. She said that I hurt her worse, but no. I didn't do crap to her. I just wanted to ignore her. I wanted her out.

It was too painful. But no. I was the one that got in trouble for doing so. Even my own mother told me how rude and worthless and terrible I was. When she wouldn't even listen to what they did to me first. Everyone thought I was the bad guy.

And they still do.