Help me be happy again

Chapter 3

I woke up at 7:15. I replayed the thoughts I had had before I went to sleep.

They didn't really have full effect on me like they did last night....I still feel alone....but the more I thought about it, it kept escalating.....I feel like she cares. Like she really does care.....

But....I just don't know. It's very easy for people to lie over text. It's too easy actually.

But....were like sisters. Wouldn't she care?

When I was telling her why I attempted, I should have said: "and I still feel like that" after I told her. Maybe she would care then.

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I got back from church. I saw my boyfriend. He took my mind off everything. He made me so happy. He gave me 2 giant hugs. And he bought me a drink. It's the little stuff that can make you happy ya know?

As soon as I got home I became...sad I guess again. Because I was alone with my thoughts. So, my mind wandered freely and thought of Zoe just lying to me. I mean, it would have been worse if she lied to my face, but she may have lied over text. I don't know if she lied, but a big part of me believes she did.

Last night....I wanted to cry so much. But the tears just wouldn't come! I feel so alone. I'm glad I took acting classes. Because, I'm a terrible liar. So I just act like I'm fine, but on the inside I literally feel like I'm breaking. Like my inside is a glass me. And very slowly and painfully a crack is working its way down the middle. The worse I feel, the longer and worse it becomes......

I had this idea. I put a small green rubber band on my wrist that I would cut on.

When I feel the urge to cut, I lift the band up and let it go. It hurts and stings like I am cutting. So...I guess it works. My wrist is already red. Very red.

I thought about suicide. I think only 4 people would be happy that I'm dead, or they would feel really bad because they realized how terrible they were. Ya I was rude to they're kids. But, what comes around goes around. They talked crap about me first. They were rude to me first so, I was rude back.

But, everyone else would be devastated.

I've read all those suicide stories and post. Thinking to myself,

No... I'd never cut. Or even think about that! My life is good. 'I have friends and family id devastate if I committed suicide.

But now....I think the opposite.