Soulmate

Chapter 12: Tug-Of-War

Grace

    I tried to sneak into the house, but I knew there was no point; my mom would hear me come in with her supersonic ears. She hears everything, every creak in the house, and every word that I spoke of her. I had told them I would be staying the night at Becca's, which was our original plan, but I just couldn't handle her. How was I going to explain that to my mom? Yeah, we actually went to an illegal party, Mom, but I decided to come home early. She would probably kill me if she ever found out I was at a party. In her day, parties were unheard of because they were all so thankful that they would meet their soulmates; they didn't even want to date. They were grateful and patient. Unfortunately my generation didn't care; we tossed away those old traditional values even though I wished we hadn't. We were taking the matching system for granted.

    I wished things were the way they used to be. Everyone waiting for their soulmates, and then taking them on special dates, bringing them flowers, and blindly loving them with all of their hearts. That's what I want. I want a boy to come to my door with a bouquet of colorful flowers, and I want him to ask my parents for permission to take me out on our very first date, not just ask me.

    But that's not going to happen. Boys don't care. They think since they've met the girl they basically have to marry, they don't have to woo her. I want to be wooed. He should come into my life and sweep me off my feet, but at the same time I don't want to be saved. I can be independent, and that's why our system is flawed. They'll give me a guy even though I have no idea what I want from him. All I know is I want him to treat me like a princess, but at the same time, I don't want to give up my independence. There was a tug-of-war in my own mind, so how do they expect me to be in a relationship? I couldn't even make myself happy, so how could I make another person happy?

    I wanted to go back to a time before Becca met Tyson. It took all of my strength to even attempt to be happy for her, but it made my insides hurt. It would be an understatement to say I was jealous. I was beyond jealous. I wanted my best friend back, heck, I wanted my small group back to normal. Back to when Chase wasn't obsessed with thoughts about me being his soulmate because I'm obviously not. Back to when Becca and I hung out every weekend, watching movies and eating ice cream even in the winter. When we would go shopping even though I hated it because everything looked adorable on her, but like a trash bag on me. I went anyways because I loved my best friend. This wasn't fair. I was alone and I didn't even have my soulmate here to keep me company. How could they do this to me?

    Sometimes I wondered if I would even like him. What if he's like Tyson: constantly putting me down, and always wanting to party? What if he's like Chase: calculates ever outcome, and has a plan for everything? Or what if he is Chase? I shuddered at the thought. Chase is going to be the perfect soulmate to some lucky girl, but I hope she's not me. I don't know what I would do. Maybe I would avoid him like I'm doing now, or maybe I would feel like an idiot for avoiding him this whole time when he was right. Oh, admitting that I've been wrong would be the absolute worst part.

    If he's standing there when my timer falls off, then I could just imagine the gloating look on his face, and the smirk he'd give me. Then, before I could say anything, he'd say, "I told you so." And then he'd tell me all of the reasons it made sense even though the only reason he has is the fact that our timers appeared to be synced. There's nothing else that makes us compatible.

    I walked into my room which was colder than it was outside, and immediately I changed into my yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt. Even though I was exhausted, I knew that I would be uncomfortable if I wore my normal clothes to bed. I pulled the blanket up and around myself in my attempt to stay warm. I had the air conditioning cranked up in my room because it was still warm outside, but I have to sleep in the cold. For some reason, I enjoyed trying to keep myself warm while I sleep. The air around me needs to be ice cold, so I can breathe it in, but then I have to have my comforter to keep me warm. My soulmate would simply have to get used to my weird sleeping habits, or all my weird habits for that matter.

    Becca hated it. Whenever she stayed over at my house, she tried to turn up the heat, but then I would turn it back down in the middle of the night. Instead, she used a few extra blankets, and complained. I was going to miss those nights even though at the time I told her to shut up, and go to sleep. She was annoying, but she was my best friend, and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

    I missed her.

***

    "Grace Anne! Get up!" my mother shouted as she swung the door open. I knew she was going to be mad at me, but I was hoping she'd wait to lecture me until after work, not at five o'clock in the morning.

    I groaned, but sat up in my bed, trying to rub my eyes while the light invaded. My vision was clouded and spotty, plus I couldn't quite focus, but I knew my mom would demand my undivided attention. "What?" I grumbled, trying to not sound grumpy. My pathetic efforts weren't working.

    She was walking around my room, picking up my clothes from last night, and tidying up even though my room really didn't need it. "Why are you home? You told me you were staying with Becca. You know you need to tell me when your plans change. You could've texted me, but no, you just come home in the middle of the night and scare me half to death," she rambled as she started organizing my desk.

    I raised an eyebrow at her, but I knew I was going to make it worse if I used attitude. "Sorry, I'll check in next time," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes again. I had to look away from my beautiful mother before I got irritated. Outside it was dark, the sun would be coming up soon, but it was still too early. It was too early for me to be up if it was too early for the sun to be up.

    "Well, I would hope so. I'm going to be working late, and your dad has a business trip. He won't be home until tomorrow, so you'll probably have to make your own dinner. Do you have work today?" she rambled, burning through too many topics for my spinning head to keep up with.

    When I looked at her, I noticed that she was looking back at me, like she was expecting something. Of course she was, they always expected more than I could give. "Yeah, I'm working today," I answered, noticing how my words fell flat. It was hard for me to have a conversation with my parents. No, it wasn't hard; it was impossible.

    She set my perfume on my desk, and straightened my curtains. "Okay," she replied, and then she walked out of my room. She didn't close my door, and she didn't turn off my light, like she expected me to stay up.

    I sighed loud enough for her to hear, but I got myself out of bed, so I could close my door, turn off my light, and crawl back under the covers. It was so warm, but outside of these blankets was a chilly world that I couldn't bear to embrace. I still had a few more hours of sleep to catch up on anyways.