Soulmate

Chapter 13: Porcelian Doll

   Grace

    When my body finally decided it was time to get up by refusing to relax, it was light outside, and I felt well rested, despite the rude interruption this morning. I don't know why she insists on getting me up early on the weekends. I'm a teenage girl, and I need my sleep; I'm not a robot like her. School is enough to drive me crazy, and on top of that, I have to work most weekends. I think I deserve a few extra hours of sleep once in awhile.

    I walked out of my room and the hallway was immediately twenty degrees warmer. I was still in my yoga pants and t-shirt. If my parents saw me, then they'd throw a gigantic fit. Even though I'm at home, and no one will see me, they insist that I be well dressed at all times. If my mom had her way, then I'd probably be in long silk dresses or tutus everyday. She was disappointed that I always refused.

    When I was younger, and didn't have a say in any of it, she made me wear dresses all of the time. I only remember wearing pants twice before the age of thirteen, and one of those times was at Becca's house when her mom let me borrow a pair, so I could play outside with the other kids. She knew my mom would be quite upset if I had gotten my light pink dress dirty, but my mom also would've thrown a fit because I wore plain jeans. Luckily, before she came to pick me up, my hair was fixed and I had my dress back on. It was our secret, or so I was told. I thought it was so cool to have a secret that I couldn't tell my mom, but most of my thoughts and feelings are now kept secret from them.

    I remember how free I felt, running with all of the other kids. Becca and I were always forced to play together, and most days we got along, but some days we fought. That day we got along and played tag with a few other kids our age. Chase was there, but I could never remember the other names. One of the girls had pushed me down, so Becca yelled at her until the girl ran home crying. I felt guilty that the other girl was upset, even though she was the one who had hurt me, so Becca put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. She was even more sassy back then. Chase couldn't bare the sight of me being upset with tears in my eyes and my lower lip quivering, so he pushed me on a swing. We were always there for each other, and we thought that was the way it would always be. Boy, were we wrong.

    I kind of felt rebellious by wearing my pajamas around the house even though I know normal girls wear this stuff to the gym, or to school; I just can't. It's not even the fact that yoga pants are too revealing; Mother's reasoning is they are too informal. No one dresses formal anymore, although, sometimes I wish they did. It would make me feel less obligated to dress down while Becca feels comfortable dressing up. I'm too afraid to dress like her because I don't want so many people to notice me.

    No one can figure out where my shyness came from, and I'm honestly not so sure myself. Sometimes, yeah, I'd like to be noticed, and I'd like to have credit for something I've done, but I also know that opens doors to judgement. It gives people like Tyson the chance to take something wonderful, like an outfit I love, and turn it into something I hate with one mean comment. I didn't have enough self confidence to be in the spotlight. I was too easy to destroy: a vain porcelain doll.

    When I walked into the dining room, I saw my mom's big white board, color coordinated calendar with our schedules printed in her neat handwriting. I don't know why she insists on writing it all out when she could just punch it into a tablet and send it to me. Actually, I don't even want it, or care about it because she just wakes me up in the morning to tell me about it anyways. On the table, next to a big black vase was a list of things I was supposed to do.

    I snorted, like I was going to clean my bathroom, or do anything. At four I have to go to work and until then, I plan on relaxing. What's the point of cleaning anyways? I know that as soon as my mom gets home, she's going to re-clean everything. She wouldn't even notice that I cleaned in the first place. Everything I do isn't good enough and it will never be.