How I Feel - (A Chris Brown Love Story)

Brewing Confessions

Rich Gang ft. Young Thug & Rich Homie Quan - Lifestyle/

My Dear Daughter, 

I owe you a lot of explanations and I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. There is so many things that I want to get off my chest. This note is important and I do not want to waste your time. So here it goes...

I live in a concrete cave. A cave trapped with emotion, heartache; pain. A cave where I am fighting to make it through the day. A cave where I have to put together the puzzle pieces in order to survive. I am the scapegoat in this wild game I chose to play. I do not think you will ever get it- even after reading this. I should have fought to stay. Just know that leaving you and your brother was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I needed to be free. I had tried to leave my past in the past. I tried my best to ignore my feelings, I suppressed them so deep in to the unconscious that I never thought in a million years they'd rise to the surface. But they did. That's when I knew that action had to take place- there was no turning back. I bet a thousand questions are firing missiles in your mind the same way mine was under attack when I chose to leave.

I was once young girl; one hungry lioness, searching for someone brave, honest and successful to admire, someone to trust, someone who was going to allow me the freedom to explore life's adventure. I wasn't the typical teenage girl that wanted to get married, have kids; in simple words settle down. I knew I wanted love but commitment was always the issue. Commitment phobia. The fear of intimacy. The fear of deep, emotional connection. The fear that I'd never be good enough for someone to want to devote their whole life to me forever and vice-versa.

The story that your father and I fed to you and your brother growing up was a lie. The story of how I was an A&R music assistant and your father a budding media lawyer, how I hesitated his attempts at wooing me then eventually allowed him to take me out on a date, one thing led to another, we fell madly in love, I got pregnant with you and then we got married, was all fraud. I hope you understand that us not being truthful was exactly because we love you and Adrian. You have to understand that if you knew the truth, you and Adrian would not have had the same lifestyle that you take for granted every day. We wanted you to have the best. However; now everything is so complicated; you're eighteen and old enough to handle the truth.

They say a man is supposed to be your armour; that's exactly what your dad was. So don't put any blame on him. He loved me, cared for me and gave us security and stability. Please remember this when I tell you the real story. I don't know how you're going to take it. I am scared you are not going to want me to be a part of your life anymore. Do not blame your father for throwing me out- I deserved it and I owe him even more for not dragging my name through the mud.

Anyway, I do not want you to feel like I have taken the easy route by writing you a note; so I want to meet you on your own, at the address enclosed, all the details are there- time and date. Face to face, woman to woman, all your questions will be answered. Do not tell Adrian yet- he's not ready. I will understand if you do not want to meet me, the ball is in your court.

Love your Mother x

Cassie hands shook as she folded up the note and placed it on her her dressing table in doubt. Something she thought had been a simple argument between her mother and father had just became complicated and confusing. This was too much for her to take in; the note stayed on her mind all night and when she woke up she finally had the will power to read it. Cassie for the first time in her life chewed on her nails. Her mother was right, millions of questions that she couldn't answer now roamed her mind. What exactly did her mother and father hide from Adrian and her? What was the "wild game" that she was involved in? What events from her past had come back to haunt her?