Thicker Than Paper

Greetings

Freighting and often unexpected. Weird and awkward. Yet welcoming and familiar. 962 miles to drop a paper crane in the same old lake. 962 miles to see faces I've gone without. 962 miles to get some comfort. It's more overgrown and dirty. But weirdly intimately familiar. It's strange, being back at the lake. The cold, dark lake. 962 miles nearly 100 dollars in gas. All to drop a fucking origami paper crane in a fucking lake I visited nearly every night for two years. I don't regret it.

~~~

"What? What are doing here, in town?" I roll my eyes. Of course, Sarah doesn't even start with a hello, "Does mom know you're here?"

"No, can I come in? It's kind of cold out here," I look around as if asserting the freezing air.

"Yeah, yeah. Get in here, you have so much to explain," She ushers me in, before slamming her front door. 

It's only been six months since I was here last, in her house, yet I find myself checking for changes. Luckily, I find few. Aiden comes out of the hallway, looking just as confused why I'm here as Sarah.

"Hey Aiden," I acknowledge him, before plopping down on my favorite part of the couch.

"Hey, Phoenix? Not to sound rude, but shouldn't you be in Standford? Do you guys have a break or something?" I feel awkward. Very strange, like a stranger in my own sister's house. 

"Uh, no. I told my professors I had a family emergency. So I'm good for a couple days," Sarah sits on one of the chairs int he living room, with narrow eyes towards me.

"Why are you really here, because I'd be the first to know a family emergency and there isn't one," I run a hand through my hair, before dragging it down my face.

"I don't know. I just felt blah, I guess. I just needed to get out, and this is the only place I could think to go, is here. Home. And I don't know why, because we all know how fast I wanted to get out of this shit hole. I guess I need, like, something familiar."

"And the college town you've lived in for two years isn't familiar?" Sarah laughs and Aiden crosses his arms.

 I doubt he truly wants to be here for my break down, he probably just doesn't have a reason to go. Other then his brother-in-law is fucking insane. I'd leave for that. 

I rub my eyes, "I guess not. Not in the way the place I grew up in." 

I think I came to Sarah because she'll have the best idea whats wrong with me and what to do. I try not to pay attention to the fact that she's psychology major. No, she's my sister.

"Phoenix, what's wrong? Why'd you come home?" Now Sarah's voice is soft and I force my tears back in.

"I don't know, Sare. I felt like I was suffocating like I did when it was bad. And I was terrified. I couldn't do that, have a fucking break down at school. School is where I'm supposed to succeed. I can't fucking fail at college," Aiden sits down like he has to really focus on this conversation.

"You're not failing at anything. Maybe you just needed another break," I laugh.

"Another break? I shouldn't need a break every three days. That's beyond stupid, and too selfish. Sarah, I think I'm broken. or dead. I'm hoping the latter," I let my head fall back on the couch and Aiden sucks in a breath. I almost forget he isn't completely used to our sick fuck up life.

"Don't we all," I chuckle at Sarah's comment and wait for the lesson, "It's okay to need breaks often. That's healthy. You shouldn't feel like it's selfish. Aiden and I have to get away from each other time to time and we're willingly married," Aiden and Sarah laugh. I can only manage a smile, "Plus, in this family especially, we're all broken and fucked up. It's okay. Are you seeing anyone? Romanticly or a therapist?"